Zelda Twilight Princess – Reviewed (aka Post #100!)

Between Iowa and this video game, I’ve been basically removed from the real world for about seven weeks. Not too long before I went to Iowa I got the Nintendo Wii game system, and to sum it up really briefly; best video game system ever. Also, before this Zelda game, I had not played video games for about five years (and I had never played any of the Zelda games for any Nintendo game console).

The reason I liked this game is twofold. Number one; the unique controller (or wii-mote) makes for a very cool interface between you and the sword-wielding Link. Number two; the game was just plain fun. It was easy enough to follow, there were a few surprises, and it was enjoyable to play.

The new Zelda game starts out with a ton of training and setting up the main storyline, but once all that stuff is over with the real fun begins. Throughout the game Link will transform into a wolf, then back to human Link many (many) times. Both forms of Link have certain objectives to complete along with limitations and special abilities.

There are some very cool weapons you gain access to as you advance in the game, along with many different environments (such as a volcano, a desert, a snowy mountain, and an underwater temple), all of which propose their own unique difficulties.

I played the game for 72 hours before beating it, and that was with tons of help from the internets. That is the one gripe I have about this game, though it is a flaw of many video games (even the ones I use to play a long time ago), you either need to shell out the cash for the official strategy guide, or you need to get help from a website. If I’m not smart enough to figure it out on my own, then the game is too hard.

Now that I’m off my soapbox, this is the best game I’ve played since the original Resident Evil for the original Playstation. This game is as challenging as it is fun, and I give this game 4.75 / 5 stars! If you have a Wii (or Game Cube) definitely pick up Twilight Princess. Don’t bother renting it, unless you can actually dedicate 72 straight hours without sleep or eating to this game. And as crazy as it sounds, I’m actually going to play through it again, this time completely all the little extra objectives that are nearly impossible to complete.

Oh, one more thing. Horri-Bill Awards are making a come back, more details coming soon!

West Des Moines Reviewed

Lets face it, I wasn’t expecting a whole lot, just cornfields, overalls, and straw hats. Instead what I got was more like a scaled down version of St. Louis. This place has a microbrewery, a huge 20-screen movie theater, a good selection of both fast food and sit-down restaurants, a horse track, and (something that every town absolutely needs) tons of hot girls.

There is also a really nice bar called Drink, where I was witness to 2 absolutely smokin hot girls not only making out with each other, but groping as well…it was like I was watching a porno on spectravisiono. Also, one of my co-workers tried to get me laid. Here’s how the conversation went:

Chris - “Hey, my name is Chris, how are you?”
Random girl - “Fine.”
Chris - “This is my friend, Bill.”
Random girl - “I don’t care.”

Moving along, Granite City, the microbrewery/restaurant, isn’t particularly great. There are only 4 house beers; light, dark, stout, and something else that’s not as good as a regular beer. But the atmosphere is very nice, there’s a patio so you can enjoy a sunny day and Bud Light. Also, there’s a Chilijs right next to the hotel, and there are nothing but cute waitresses working there.

I’ve been working overnights for 2 weeks, so I haven’t seen too much of the city. However, I have had the opportunity to observe the locals, and the people here aren’t rednecks or even farmers. This part of Des Moines is more ritzy, like a North county, yet the people seem very down to earth. There’s still the occasional monster truck, but you’ve got to expect a few bad apples.

Something that would surprise a lot of people is the kind of music that is popular here – Slipknot, Mudvayne, Hatebreed, and other super-heavy rock bands. The reason for this is very simple; Corey Taylor (lead singer for Slipknot and Stone Sour) was born and raised in Des Moines. It’s the same effect Nelly had in St. Louis, but Taylor’s bands are much more successful, plus this is a city with not a lot to celebrate.

I wouldn’t make it a point to vacation here, or even put West Des Moines very high on a list to move to if the opportunity presented itself, but it’s not a bad place, and is much better than you would think.

On a totally unrelated note, the other day I apparently received a cease and desist letter from Charter Communications, ordering me to stop downloading The Sopranos. It sounds to me like Charter Communications only cares about the downloading of shows that are broadcasted on premium channels, even if you subscribe to these channels, but Charter Communications doesn’t care about the downloading of network TV shows, movies, pirated software, or child pornography. (Legal Disclaimer: This is not an admission of being in non-compliance with the DMCA)

The 5 (six) Most Successful Stand Up Comics

2.5 Chris Rock – One really great stand up, Bring the Pain (1996), one great/very good stand up, Bigger and Blacker (1999) and one stand up that I don’t remember being very good, Never Scared (2004). Unfortunately, Rock hasn’t had a great deal of success outside of his stand up.

Rock’s most notable movie is Lethal Weapon 4, playing second fiddle to Danny Glover and Mel Gibson, and opposite Joe Pesci. However, this SNL and In Living Color alumni has been in other hit movies such as Dogma, Doctor Dolittle, and Madagascar. His resume of Hollywood flops is more extensive: Beverly Hills Ninja, Pootie Tang, Osmosis Jones (which I actually didn't hate), The Longest Yard, and most recently I Think I Love My Wife (written, directed by, and starring Chris Rock).

Rock is responsible for the TV series Everybody Hates Chris. As lame as the title is, an obvious rip off of Everybody Loves Raymond, it’s apparently a pretty successful show, though I’ve never seen it.

As a general rule with Chris Rock, whenever his face is on the screen or he’s involved creatively, it’s going to be a bomb (unless you add a second generation Jew hater, a washed-up and over-the-hill black guy, and a very little Italian man). If he’s providing his voice for a cartoon, it will suck. But if it’s a CG flick, then it’s a hit.

Chris Rock, like Murphy, also had a hit song “No Sex In the Champaign Room”, which was a spoof of Baz Lurhman’s “Sunscreen”. Currently, Rock has Bee-Movie in post-production, Madagascar 2 filming, and 2 other announced projects. He’s a very funny guy, and he gets plenty of work. The main reason he’s on the list is because his stand ups. Lets not forget, this is the guy that mainstreamed the term “salad tossin’”.

2. Jerry Seinfeld – A household name, due to his popular show about nothing. The show was an incredible success for many reasons, in my opinion largely because everybody could relate to it, not just the middle class. The show managed to last 180 episodes (that’s 9 seasons) because of Seinfeld’s ability to take an everyday situation and turn it into something outrageously funny.

The show produced numerous stars, such as Michael Richards (starred in the Weird Al cult classic UHF), Jason Alexander (played opposite Jack Black in Shallow Hal), Wayne Knight (Newman), and Patrick Warburton (Putty) to name just a few. Putty has some great quotes from the show, my favorite being when he got his new 8-ball coat: Elaine - “You’re not going to wear that thing all the time, are you?” Putty - “All signs point to yes!”

Seinfeld has a few stand ups, but the only one I’ve seen, I’m Telling You for the Last Time, debuted on HBO in 1998. There’s nothing that stands out from that stand up, just some great comedy from one of the greatest comics of all time.

Seinfeld has been laying low since the show ended, and has been living off the DVD sales, which slumped during the Michael Richards incident. As of late, Seinfeld has been involved in the sure-to-be smash hit Bee-Movie, putting down a voice for one of the bees as well as writing and producing.

1. Eddie Murphy - The only stand up comic with 2 really great stand up specials, Raw (1987) and Delirious (1983). Ed got his break on SNL doing impressions of Buckwheat, Gumby, and the late great hardest working man in show-business James Brown (too hot in the hot tub!). Many people say that he is the most successful SNL alumnus. Classic bits of his stand up routine include impressions of his drunken Puerto Rican father, Stevie Wonder, Bill Cosby, rants on gays, Michael Jackson, not to mention his incredible and classic “nerdy white guy” impressions.

He made some great non-family movies in the early part of his Hollywood career, such as 48 Hours, Another 48 Hours, the Beverly Hills Cop trilogy, Coming To America, Trading Places, and Vampire In Brooklyn. After Vamp in Brooklyn, he started acting in family oriented movies, such as Mulan, The Nutty Professor, Doctor Dolittle, and numerous Shrek projects.

Recently, Murphy has been doing more Oscar-worthy movies, and has signed on for some Romeo and Juliet film, another family comedy currently named Nowhereland, and Shrek 4 (due in 2010). Something tells me that Ed is preparing for his next divorce, being as he has 5 announced projects over the next 3 years.

And let's not forget his hit song of 1986 "Party All The Time" (#7 out of 100 on the Billboard Charts for the year).

Honorable Mention (in no particular order): Andrew “Dice” Clay (anything he's done, even his new show), Artie Lange (Beer League, It's The Whiskey Talkin, every day he's on the Stern Show), Dane Cook (I don't care how many people "don't get" his comedy), Sarah Silverman (Jesus is Magic), Dave Letterman, Sam Kinison, Jim Breuer, Mitch Hedberg, Dave Attell, Lisa Lampanelli, George Carlin, Bill Cosby, Jim Carrey, Jay Leno, Jon Stewart, Joan Rivers, Adam Sandler, Lewis Black, Kathy Griffin, Jeff Foxworthy, Howie Mandel, Norm MacDonald, Drew Carey, Dana Carvey, Louis C.K., Gallagher, Janeane Garofalo, Colin Quinn, Denis Leary, Gilbert Gottfried, Tim Allen, Bill Maher, Andy Kaufman, and Reverend Bob Levy.

The 5 Most Successful Stand Up Comics

Criteria for being on this list; at least one classic stand up, and a successful career of any kind (be it stand up, movies, etc.)

5. Dave Chappelle – Still a relatively young comedian and actor, Chappelle had an insanely funny stand up, Killin’ Them Softly (2000), and a very successful TV show. Though he went legally insane for a while and moved to Africa (some say to kick some kind of addiction), he’s got a great mind for comedy.

Dave got his big break in Half Baked (which he also wrote), but sadly hasn’t done a single movie with a great deal of success since then. He does, however, have an “in-development” deal, which means it will be a couple years until we see something new from Dave, be it movie or TV series.

Killin’ Them Softly is wall-to-wall laughter, with subject matter that includes coming to grips with being famous, Bill Clinton’s blowjob scandal, the corruption of police and the government, and how bad ghettos have gotten. His wildly successful TV series had a great mix of music, stand up, and comedy bits (the most famous being the Rick James segments), not to mention the support of a very important demographic, high school and college students.

Chappelle has one other stand up, which I haven’t seen, For What It’s Worth (2004).

4. David Spade – One of the funniest stand up specials of all time, Take the Hit (1998). Although Take the Hit is the only stand up that’s been released by Spade, coupled with his very successful Hollywood career, it’s enough to land Spade a spot in my top 5.

This former SNL star has been on 2 great TV shows (excluding SNL), The Showbiz Show and Just Shoot Me. At first, I thought that he was nothing more than a Chris Farley sidekick, but shortly before Farley's death Spade decided to spread his wings, and eventually landed a spot on Just Shoot Me (playing the effeminate yet mouthy secretary for a popular fashion magazine). Spade has starred in some very funny movies such as Dickie Roberts, Black Sheep, Tommy Boy, PCU, and (written and starred in) Joe Dirt.

Take the Hit is a bit more topical than other stand ups, but I would say it still stands the test of time. JonBenet Ramsey, episiotomy operations, growing up in Arizona, teenage dating, and “…things that never happened, people I’ve never met” are some of the great Spade bits of this classic stand up. Plus, he has dated (is dating?) Heather Locklear.

3. Richard Pryor – This isn’t just the man that paved the way for “dirty” comics, he revolutionized stand up comedy. His stand up was the beginning of political in-correctness. He was able to inject humor into normally unfunny and racially tense situations, pointing out the absurdity of racism. The only super funny Pryor material I remember (from the 2 stand ups I’ve seen) would be the difference between a black guy and a white guy getting away from a snake.

Pryor had his own TV show for a short while, and did a few bad movies. His downfall was trying to get away from his roots of cursing and controversial material. Superman 3, The Muppet Movie, and Car Wash are a few of his more famous movies (and apparently, he was involved in writing Blazing Saddles). His more well known stand ups are Live in Concert (1979) and Live and Smokin’ (1971). Richard Pryor died in December 2005 of a heart attack in Los Angeles.

Coming Soon...the top 2 stand up comics, and runners up!

4 Quick Reviews

Black Snake Moan - Very good movie, sexy and slutty Christina Ricci is almost highly naked for the entire movie and just as hot as ever. Ricci plays a nympho, opposite an ex-blues artist Sam Jackson, who tries to help Ricci's character out through a very tough time in a very odd way. 3.5 / 5 Stars!

Foo Fighters: Skin and Bones - A live concert, an excellent set complete with plenty of great Foo hits. 4.5 / 5 Stars!

Ghost Rider - Nick Cage plays the Rider, in this the latest installment of Marvel comic book movies. This film is right at home with other Marvel films such as Elektra, X-Men 3, and The Hulk. One more bad Marvel movie and I don't think they'll be able to dig out of a hole that deep. Another classic Nick Cage performance, for that reason (along with sound, writing, direction, and just general shittiness) I give Ghost Rider 1 / 5 Stars. Don't bother...unless you go into it thinking 'comedy', then it could be very entertaining.

Smokin' Aces - This movie was everything that Ocean's 11 should have been, but it's got more of a Snatch flavor. Plus, it has Jeremy Piven in it which is an automatic plus. Piven plays a modern day Sinatra that is the target of the FBI, the mafia, bail bondsmen, and numerous hitmen. 3.5 / 5 Stars!

This Film Is Not Yet Rated: Reviewed

The biggest mystery and the best kept secret in Hollywood is why a movie gets a certain rating. Why is it more acceptable to show a thousand orphans getting shot and killed (PG-13) than it is to drop more than one F-bomb (R)?

The director of the film is Kirby Dick. He also stars in the film, and is quick to point out that the MPAA's (Motion Picture Association of America) rating system is voluntary. However, the difference between an NC-17 and R rating could mean tens of millions of dollars, and a director has no choice but to bow to the MPAA's suggestions (unless they don't like to eat). There is an appeals process, which is more of a formality, in which a director can speak their case as to why their movie should get a lower rating.

The identities of the people that rate the films for the MPAA are kept confidential. Dick decided to hire a P.I. to find out who these people were, and if they do in fact represent the "average American parent" (which has at least one child between 5 and 17). It is revealed that very few of the nine film raters have children that fall into that age range, which by the MPAA's own definition means that they do not represent the "average American parent". What's even more interesting is that only nine people (plus their few bosses) have the final say on what rating a movie gets, and ultimately if that movie will ever be released.

Are there "too many" pumps in a sex scene, the duration of an orgasm, what sexual positions are used, how many people are having sex, if there are gay/lesbian situations, and explicit language are all factors that film raters take into consideration. The restrictions for violence are significantly looser, though just as fuzzy. If blood appears as a result of voilence, then an R rating is pretty much guaranteed (but Wolverine can stab as many guys in the chest as he wants, as long as no blood is shown it's alright for PG-13).

These are not rules, more guidelines that the MPAA has never defined to the public. This means that a director really has no idea what rating their film will receive. And just because some movies can get away with saying tons of curse words and showing nudity, sexual situations, blood-letting-violence, and gayness doesn't mean that other movies will get a similar rating. For instance, if someone made a movie that shows a vagina for 2 seconds (The Cooler), it would most likely get a rating of NC-17. Why then would other movies (Basic Instinct) that shows a vagina for no good reason at all receive an R rating?

This film has interviews with plenty of directors you've heard of and seen their movies (Matt Stone, Kevin Smith, Mary Harron) as well as interviews with Hollywood insiders, and even interviews with former MPAA film raters.

The movie really completes documenting the process of how a movie receives it's rating by showing how This Film Is Not Yet Rated dealt with the MPAA. No surprise, it got rated NC-17 basically because it showed the "dirty" parts of the NC-17 films, but it shows these parts to display how ridiculous it was that these movies got their ratings because of one scene, sometimes one second of footage.

I give this film 4 / 5 stars. There's so much information in this movie, and Kirby Dick really does a great job of not being like Michael Moore as much as possible. It's pointed out that in Europe, the movie industry has almost the exact opposite priorities when it comes to "voluntary" censorship. The European films are more free when it comes to sex, but very strict when it comes to violence.

WWE Royal Rumble

The Undertaker won his first Royal Rumble, which is huge news, especially considering he has been in WWF for about 230 years. It's also the first time entry #30 has won the Rumble.

Read more here.

Idiocracy: Reviewed

This is a Mike Judge film (Office Space, Beavis and Butthead) which is a DVD release. It never made it to theaters for a couple reasons which I will go into later.

The film starts out explaining that 500 years in the future the world will be inhabited by morons. Stupid people reproduce while smart people wait to have children for very good reasons, but this results in the world being overpopulated by idiots.

The main reason why this film wasn't accepted by Fox for theatrical release is the light commentary on conglomerates such as Carl's Jr. (Hardees), Starbucks, Costco, and Gatorade (it's got electrolytes). As a result of these companies having monopolies in their fields, coffee costs as much as a modern-day trip to Europe (but the good news is it does include a "happy ending") and the economy is entirely dependent on these companies succeeding. I don't really think that says anything evil about these corporations, but Fox apparently did.

Luke Wilson plays the lead role as an army private that is volunteered for an experiment to be cryogenically frozen for one year, but due to an army mishap, he and his female counterpart, played by Maya Rudolph, wake up 500 years later. When Luke wakes up, he finds he is the smartest person in the world.

Supporters include David Herman (Michael Bolton from Office Space), Horatio Sanz (though he's not credited even by IMDB) and appearances by Stephen Root (Office Space, Dodgeball), and Thomas Haden Church (Spiderman 3, Sideways and Wings).

The other reason, in my opinion, why it wasn't released in theaters is because the movie isn't great. I do think Fox would have made a decent profit by doing a nation-wide theatrical release, however there's nothing hilarious about this movie, and Fox thought it's resources would be best spent elsewhere. It is kinda funny, but not the funniest thing I've ever seen. I give this movie 2.5 / 5 stars, it's more or less an average comedy.

Holy Sheist

Tim Butron is at it again. Pee Wee's Playhouse is coming to the big screen, again. And yes, Paul Reubens is attached to play Pee Wee. That's all for now.

Death of a President: Reviewed

This film is a fictional documentary about the assassination of President Bush and the events leading up to the assassination, as well as the days and months following.

It's really an incredible movie, regardless if you're a Bush basher or supporter. Every aspect of the "what if" scenario is examined, including interviews with members of the secret service and others inside the president's administration, a forensic investigator, possible suspects and their family members. Fictional newscasts and actual file footage is used to add to the reality of the movie.

Something I found very intriguing is how a Muslim woman and her husband were afraid just to go in public after the shooting, fearing they would be arrested just because they fit the classic terrorist profile. The police eventually did arrest the Muslim man, and scraped up enough circumstantial evidence to bring him to trial.

The big pay off, the reveal of who the assassin is, comes out of left field. The Muslim, a white supremacist from Alabama, dozens of Al Cada terrorist cells, communists, Syrians, and hundreds of Bush haters all take credit for the killing.

I don't find the social commentary trite or cliche at all. It's an interesting theory of what the social and political ramifications could be if a president is killed while in office.

The movie stresses how intrusive the Patriot Act can be, and how justice really is blind, but these themes are overshadowed by the excellent storytelling. This movie is great because it tells a unique and interesting story extremely well. It would have been just as good and compelling if it would have been about Clinton, Kerry, Gore, or Regan. I don't feel it would have been as good if it would have been about a totally fictional presidential figure, because it wouldn't have seemed as real. I give this movie 4/5 stars!

House of 1K Corpses: Reviewed - Finally!

When I was in high school, I saw a teaser trailer for a movie that looked totally sick. What appeared to be two men in space suits were digging a grave in a torrential downpour as the mud slopped around the shovels, a heartbeat pounded and a crow cackled; House of 1000 Corpses was introduced to the big screen. About six years later it finally found a distributor after Universal forced Zombie to censor the movie to get an R rating instead of an NC-17 rating. Many Zombie fans were disappointed with the movie, including Morty (contributor over at Book of Fitz) and myself.

As I mentioned, the movie was originally suppose to have an NC-17 rating, so Zombie took it to a different distributor that wouldn’t want to edit it down to an R. Eventually, after all other distributors passed on it, Lion’s Gate picked it up for the R rating.

The beginning of the movie actually hooks your interest. Murders start early. The characters are great, and there’s even some oddly good acting (for a horror movie). It’s the lack of direction that kills the movie (not the directing by Rob Zombie, instead it’s more like a stream of consciousness scenario). Things just happen without much reason or regard for how the movie will develop.

One of the gems of this movie is that Matthew McGrory is in it, though is hid by a mask the entire time. McGrory has been in Big Fish and not much else, and was known as Bigfoot on the Stern show back when McGrory was still alive (not to be confused with the new wack-packer Bigfoot, different person).

Zombie actually did a great job scoring the movie, which is very difficult to do. Too many movies are scored poorly, which just kills the movie. Although this movie is pretty much dead to begin with, the well-done scoring holds it together. The soundtrack is great, some original Zombie tracks included. His cover of Brick House is a breathe of fresh air, and not your typical kind of Zombie song.

The absolute worst part of the movie is the execution scene. At about the 59 minute mark, police investigate the suspected murderers’ house, only to have the murderers exterminate of all the police, one of them on his knees – a gun pressed to his forehead by the main killer. The execution scene is in slow motion and is scored by yodeling country music (the only poor song chioce in the movie). Right when the big pay off is about to happen and the last cop is going to get killed, the music ends and a crane shot begins for what seems to be a minute-and-a-half long, accompanied without sound or music. Finally the cop is offed at the crane shot’s 26 second mark, which is way past the rising action, climax, and well into the anti-climax of the scene. Zombie seems to be the only one that thinks this shot was a good idea and was different and terrific and unlike anything else in classic or modern horror cinema.

The only redeeming factor of the scene is that directly after the monstrosity is over, Sheri Moon bares her thong-clad ass, and some almost full-frontal boobage. The best part of the movie comes when Sheri Moon goes in the liquor store, and the clerk named “G. Ober” has a few hilarious and classic lines that almost make the movie worth seeing. Sheri Moon’s ass is the other reason that makes the movie worth seeing. Moon as Baby – Zombie’s long time girlfriend (wife?) - is totally hot, and shows some ass 25 minutes into the movie.

Other characters include Sid Haig as the evil clown, Captain Spaulding. Bill Mosely plays the patriarch of the killer’s clan, named Otis. Sheri Moon, who I already discussed, was in the December 2005 issue of Playboy. Harrison Young (old James Ryan in Saving Private Ryan) as the father of one of the kids that disappeared. Karen Black as the mother of Sheri Moon, who has been in Hollywood for about 45 years.

As much as I rag on this movie, it’s actually a very well authored DVD. The extras are good (as far as DVD extras go). The commentary by director Rob Zombie is terrific, and I’ve heard lots of lousy commentaries (including Mel Brooks on Blazing Saddles, Tim Butron on Sleepy Hollow, Alex Proyas on The Crow to name a few).

You can tell (from the commentary at least) that Zombie didn’t always stick to the script and had lots of on-the-fly changes, which certainly doesn’t help the movie out. To Zombie’s credit, it was his first time directing a movie.

The best analogy I can think of for this movie is a scary campfire story. It starts out well enough, you’re aware it’s total bullshit, and you’re going through the motions by paying attention it, but you know it’s just bad. It’s a big homage to Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and a thousand other horror movies that no one’s heard of that Zombie grew up with.

The really bad part is, I think the movie’s starting to grow on me. I’m giving Rob Zombie’s House of 1000 Corpses 2/5 stars. I’m tempted to give it a better rating, but I think back to my first impression of the movie and I just can’t bring myself to do it.

Zombie is now in pre-production for his new horror movie, the ninth installment and remake of the original Halloween.

This Blog Is Not Dead

At least not yet. I’ve been pretty lazy lately, I just don’t take time to make a posting like I use to. Here are some postings I’ve been meaning to do:

Review of House of 1000 Corpses
Review of The Devil’s Rejects
Possibilities for Halloween costumes
List of famous girls that have hit the wall & a to watch list
Review of The Tick (cartoon)
Review of Robot Chicken

That’s all for now, bitches.

Great Sports Movies

I think I may be ripping off one of the other blogs on this one, but here’s my take on great sports movies:

61* - An HBO original movie that chronicles the home run race of 1961 between Mickey Mantle (played by Thomas Jane of The Punisher) and Roger Marris (played by Barry Pepper). Many issues are addressed, such as how athletes deal with negative media attention, the strain being on the road has on an athlete and their family, and the demons that can negatively affect an athlete’s performance. There’s also an interesting juxtaposition to Mark McGwire’s home run race of 1998. The acting may not be perfect, but it’s damn interesting and has great story telling. About the most unlikely character is Bob Cerv (played by Chris Bauer who I remember as the S&M killer in 8MM), and Mel Allen the announcer (played by Christopher McDonald who everyone knows as Shooter from Happy Gilmore, and will be starring in the American Pie 5: The Naked Mile and Dukes of Hazzard: The Beginning as Boss Hogg).

Hoop Dreams – This is the documentary that mainstreamed the genre. Inner city youths that aspire to one day become pro ballers are followed throughout their four year high school basketball careers. It’s mostly tragic, watching these guys playing ball with drug deals going on ten feet from where they’re standing. It’s a really well done movie, and it’s the Godfather of all documentaries.

Pumping Iron – A documentary about Arnold in the pinicle of his bodybuilding career and Lou Ferrigno in his ascent in bodybuilding. I’ve got to admit, if you’re a straight man you WILL feel very gay watching this movie of greased up muscle-men posing and flexing and wearing nothing more than a banana hammock. But if you’re comfortable with being hetero and can appreciate the insane physical attributes of the bodybuilders in this very interesting and sometimes disturbing documentary, or you just want to see some vintage Anrold hamming it up for the cameras, then this is a must see.

Kingpin – Roy Munson (played by Woody Harrelson) and Ernie McCracken (played by Bill Murray and arguably one of his best performances) star in this classic bowling comedy. The movie is absolutely hilarious, Vanessa Angel is incredibly hot, and the end has a performance by an Amish version of Blues Traveler.

Other movies that are good that I don’t want to get into: Happy Gilmore, Dodgeball, Legend of Bagger Vance.

I’m leaving off a movie many people consider great, A Field Of Dreams. I do feel it’s a very good movie, but it’s not really a sports movie to me. It’s a tale of a son getting one last chance to show his father how much he loves him, using baseball as a vehicle. It’s a great love story, but once again I’m not so sure it’s a sports movie.

Other good/great movies with sport subplots: The Big Lebowski, Finding Forrester, Rounders (if you consider poker a sport in the sense that it’s on ESPN all the time), Varsity Blues.

Which Super Power Would You Rather Have?

For the sake of argument, we’ll assume that you can only have one power, unless there are some listed together.

Invisibility
Strength
Healing
Super Vision (Heat, X-Ray and Telescopic) & Hearing
Wolverine’s Claws
Telepathy
Telekinesis
Teleportation
Flight
Speed
Invincibility (Bullet and knife proof skin)

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest Reviewed

Another great movie from director Gore Verbinski (The Mexican, The Ring, and original Pirates), though I’m not sure how great because when I saw it on Saturday July 15th, I was in the second row so the whole thing was like reading the beginning of a Star Wars movie.

From what I can tell, the movie was very well directed and written, the acting and effects were great, and the music, costumes, make-up, and everything else were all outstanding.

I would compare this movie to Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back (Episode 5). The plot advances in a natural yet fast paced manner, and leaves a lot to be resolved in the final movie of the trilogy (which contrary to popular belief has NOT been filmed yet, it is being filmed right now).

There are some great new characters introduced, including some kind of Hoodoo/Voodoo/Witchcraft chick (which would be really hot if not for her rotting teeth), but I’m not sure which actress it is. Also, there are some unlikely characters returning that play a huge role.

Without giving anything major away, Jack Sparrow has to repay a debt to an undead (maybe?) Davy Jones, and manipulates everyone else into helping him. There’s plenty of swashbuckling, pirate trickery, and unexpected twists. If you liked the first Pirates, you can be absolutely sure the second will not disappoint.

So far the movie has been a huge success, setting all kinds of records including the records for opening weekend ($135 million), single & opening day ($55.8 million), largest Friday, Sunday, and Tuesday gross, and is currently #21 on the list of all time domestic grossing movies with over $305 million, and it’s only been out two weeks! So I was wrong about Superman being the Spiderman-squasher, but I can’t think of a better movie to take down Spidey (at least until Spiderman 3 comes out in March), except maybe for this movie.

I’m forced to defer my rating of this movie until I have a chance to see the movie from a non-skewed perspective, but trust me when I say that you must see this movie, but only after you’ve seen the first.

Superman Returns: Reviewed

Get ready for basically a blowjob aimed at Bryan Singer.

This movie is so excellent, my words can’t adequately sum it up. The acting, direction, effects, lighting, writing, music, and everything else is top notch. It’s a shame it won’t get nominated for any important awards, but hopefully I’m wrong.

One actor I want to point out is Frank Langella who plays Perry White, the editor of the Daily Planet. He also plays a great devil worshiper in The Ninth Gate. Langella doesn’t have that much face time in Returns, but he does a great job.

Musically, I couldn’t have been more satisfied. The use of the classic Superman theme was key, and the rest of the score was just as excellent. If a new Superman theme song had been created, it just wouldn’t have been the same (think of trying to redo the peanut and jelly sandwich without peanut butter or jelly).

There are some interesting new stories introduced that I won’t go into, but I don’t think they have been dealt with in the comics, classic movies, or cartoons and TV series. This isn’t a remake or recycling of some tired old plots either…well it kind of is, but you really won’t care. Lex Luthor attempts to take over the world; Superman tries his hardest to stop him. So it’s pretty much the same old storyline, but it’s still great.

You will notice more than a couple cinematic similarities to X-Men and X2, but that doesn’t crowd the movie’s style. When I noticed these similarities, I thought to myself that Singer was just using the X-Men series as practice for the comic movie he really wanted to do.

Just before I saw Superman Returns I was lucky enough to catch the original Superman with Christopher Reeve on HBO, and it made me appreciate Returns so much more. There are tons of subtle nods to the original Superman (Lois’ smoking and not being able to spell, Kent’s clumsiness, along with a few well placed quotes).

As great as Superman Returns was, I hate having to give it a rating of 4.75 / 5 stars. There were a couple things that just got under my skin that I won’t get into yet; I’ll give everyone some time to see it. And when you do, make sure you see it in IMAX, the 3D scenes are so cool.

Superman Returns

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Nacho Libre Reviewed

As I write this, so far the movie has grossed over $40 million. Danny Elfman was the composer for this movie, who has done some great work in the past. From the director and writer of Napoleon Dynamite, starring Jack Black as a Mexican monk that becomes the world’s greatest wrestler to raise money for the orphan children of the monastery. The antagonist is played by an ex WCW wrestler that went by the name of Silver King in the late 90’s.

Being a huge fan of JB, I had high hopes for this movie and I hate to say it, but I was greatly disappointed. The wrestling scenes were actually very good, as were the scenes with JB singing, but the rest of the movie was too much story and not enough comedy. Don’t expect your typical JB movie, which would normally have a barrage of puns and gags and physical comedy that makes you want to cry. This movie makes just makes you want to cry.

I think I know why this movie was a disappointment to me, as much as I hate to admit it. It was a Nickelodeon film, so their goal was to make the movie appeal to old kids and young teenagers. It just so happened that they suckered JB fans into seeing it.

Before seeing this movie I thought it would be impossible to put JB in a movie and not have him be funny the majority of the time he was on screen, but I was proved wrong. Don’t bother seeing this movie in the theater, and I wouldn’t even recommend renting it on DVD. Save your money for Superman Returns in IMAX, or Pirates 2. “Nacho Libre”, more like “Nacho Let-Down”. If you do buy it on DVD, you could always make Nacho Libre nachos on the disc.

Flickr

Of the 5 people that read my site, there’s probably only one person that will really appreciate my Flickr page, which is a site that I upload my better photos to. I’ve updated it with some of the pictures I took in New York and Niagara Falls, but I took so many pictures in NY (around 2000) it will take months just to sort them out.

The New York Trip

I’ve been quiet lately, and I’m going to be quiet for a few more weeks probably. I hate making articles that are more like diary entries, but I’m going to New York City really soon and it’s going to be very awesome.

I’m going to do the usual tourist things like Empire State, Ellis Island / Statue of Liberty, Central Park, Ground Zero, and Times Square, but the highlight is going to be Mets vs. Giants (Saturday June 3rd), and Yankees vs. Red Socks (Monday June 5th). The timing of my trip is too good not to take advantage of these two games, and the only way to make it any sweeter is if the home teams pull out some wins.

So not that it matters, but I may not update for a while. Or, maybe I’ll update way more often than normal if I have some spare time when I’m in the Big Apple.