Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Flu Vaccinations Are For Fat People!

Not too long ago, I got a weak little sinus infection that knocked me on my ass for about a week. But then, someone at my work said the magic words, “Are you loosing weight?” An idea popped in my head that is so genius, so revolutionary it will change the way people diet, exercise, and shed those unwanted pounds forever.

Every year, fat and fit people alike spend billions of dollars on pills, shakes, vitamins, and dozens of other products that promise miracle weight loss. People also spend billions inoculating themselves against the latest strains of the flu, the common cold, and other viral infections. This innovative and interesting new product is designed to help you shed those holiday pounds, all the while giving you all the benefits of an old-fashioned flu shot.

The product I am developing is called Tru-Flu, and here’s how it works. My idea is to inject people with an extremely dangerous and deadly strain of the same virus people are getting inoculated against, leaving them bedridden for days or even weeks. The basic idea is that when you have a cold, you feel like total crap, stay in bed, and don’t even feel like eating, thereby causing you to loose a ton of weight.

The key to my Tru-Flu shot is no exercise, just laying around all day while your butler, maid, spouse, or one of your parents (sometimes they’re all the same person, Alabama) waits on you!

I’m working on a book and DVD as well, which should be out in time for the holidays, so don’t forget about those last minute gifts!

I’m in the progress of inking a deal with a major drug company to make both a brand name and generic Tru-Flu shot, guaranteed to get you sick and loose five, ten, even twelve pounds in as little as one week! And if you can’t afford the generic, then just give me like ten bucks and I’ll spit in your mouth.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Greg the Bunny: Reviewed

Before you prejudge, read the article and then decide if this show is for you.

This show debuted on the Fox network back in 2002. The show stars Greg, an immature puppet bunny that is the main character of a children’s TV show, not that much unlike Sesame Street. Other puppets include; Warren the Ape (the Shakespearian British lush), Count Blah (the Romanian vampire), and Tardy the Turtle (the slow-minded turtle).

Regular human cast members include Eugene Levy as the dry-humored director for the children’s show, Sarah Silverman (hottest Jew I've ever seen, funny too) as the bitchy network executive, Dina Waters (aka Dina Spybey, also hot right now) as Dottie the ditzy slutty blonde on the childern’s show, Bob Gunton (best known as Warden Notron in Shawshank) as Junction Jack, the Vietnam vet. NRA train conductor for the children’s show, and lastly Seth Green as Eugene’s son and the Assistant Producer (aka coffee gopher).

Crossdressing, lesbianism and gayness, puppet racism, and Hollywood politics are some of the topics this show tackles, all with a witty and fresh comical outlook.

You will enjoy this show if you’re a fan of Seth Green or Crank Yankers. You will not enjoy this show if you don’t like puppets and adult oriented humor.

As with any other show or movie, if you don’t have any expectations for it, you will be at very least satisfied, maybe even slightly enjoy yourself. 3 / 5 Stars!

NOTE: Here’s how my rating system works, 0 – worthless, 1 – really sucks, 2 – below average, 3 – average, 4 – above average, 5 – perfect.

Friday, December 02, 2005

Da Ali G Show Season 1: Reviewed

Yo check it, this is a terrific show on HBO, starring Sacha Cohen, an over-the-top British comedian. It’s been on the air for about five years, and despite it’s hilarity, HBO has never really pushed or heavily promoted the show.

Here’s the jist; the show consists of three different characters (all portrayed by Sacha). Ali G, the main character, is a clueless British gangster. Ali G’s trademark has to be his disgusting attire, the gaudy gold necklace, dew-rag, yellow running suit or matching basketball jersey and shorts, sunglasses, and huge gold rings on every finger. He uses his character’s mindlessness to annoy and confuse his interviewees into saying the stupidest things. Newt Gingrich, Buzz Aldrin, Donald Trump, James Lipton, Andy Rooney (the best interview ever!) and many other famous peeps have been stupefied by his ignorant yet extremely entertaining and witty commentary. A womanizer, occasional weed smoker, and extreme homophobe, he’s everything you would expect of a British bellend.

Bruno, the gay German fashion correspondent, is probably the least funny of the three, which is still saying a lot. His role in the show is to explore the superficiality and vanity of Americans. Bruno definitely looks the part, his highlighted Mohawk and tight designer shirts and jeans are absolutely fabulous. While Bruno doesn’t ever interview any A-list celebrities, he interviews plenty of A-list imitators and supporters such as aspiring fashion designers, club owners, stylists, runway models, and Hollywood critics. Basically, he exposes how phony and outlandish the “new money” upper-classers can be.

The other character is known as “Borat” (pictured above), the Khazigstani reporter. Sporting a mustache that would make even Underwood wince with jealousy, a puffy Ishtar-like fro complete with mild upper-forehead-balding, and a horrible suit that hasn’t been washed in five years, Borat travels America in search of the most racist, prejudice, and backwater folks. Somehow he gets interviews with these idiots, and has even suckered one poor sap that was running for office to admit that he believes all Jews are going to Hell because they don’t believe in Jesus. In my opinion, his most entertaining segment has to be where he goes to a hole-in-the-wall southern karaoke bar, and sings a song he wrote called “In My Country There Is Problem”.

It should be noted that though Sacha pokes fun at Jews a lot, I’m pretty sure he’s Jewish himself. The real comedy in Da Ali G Show is the reaction of his interviewees and crowds, his ability to manipulate and twist their responses into something totally different from what was intended and watch them try to worm their way out of it.

As I said, this is an excellent show, but the episodes only average 30 minutes. On HBO there is so much more expected, it seems like a waste to have a series that is less than an hour per episode. Overall, it is hilarious and entertaining, and I guess that’s all that matters. My review; 3.75/5.00 Stars!