Monday, October 25, 2004

Tip for Sprint Customers

Most everybody has a cell phone, and if you're doing business with Sprint PCS here's a tip that could save you up to $10 a month.

Dial *2 to connect to Customer Solutions. Press 1 for English. You'll get "Claire" the virtual service rep. Say the words "Dropped Call Credit". This will give you a credit of one minute at the highest local airtime rate (50 cents). You can do this up to twenty times a month, for a total of a $10 credit off your bill.

I would say that you shouldn't abuse this, but Sprint pretty much makes that impossible. I can honestly say that I get at least 20 dropped calls a month, and if Sprint offers this credit I'm going to take advantage of it, and make sure others know about it. If you know someone that has Sprint, tell them about the dropped call credit.

I am very satisfied with Sprint; I have been with them for five plus years. I only wish they would be more cutting edge. If there was a PDA/Cell phone/Camera all in one that Sprint got behind, I would definately buy it.

Friday, October 22, 2004

What Ever happened to These Hot Former Celebrities:

Teri Hatcher: This chick was famous most notably for her role in “Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman”. Before she landed that role, she cameoed in such hit TV series’ as “MacGyver”, “Seinfeld” (“They’re real, and they’re fantastic!”), “Tales from the Crypt”, “Quantum Leap”, “Night Court”, and “Frasier”.

But what has Teri done lately, besides a few commercials for cell phone companies opposite Howie Long? In 2001 the middle aged actress was in “Spy Kids”, and hasn’t done anything worthy of talking about until the crappy TV series “Desperate Housewives”, currently running on ABC Sundays at 9/8c.

Tea Leoni: I can’t think of a single female that made me more aroused when I was 13 than Tea Leoni. She had a couple chances to make a successful sitcom, first with “The Naked Truth” in 1995, then again when the show was resurrected but failed miserably. She has been in “Jurassic Park III”, “A League of Their Own”, and “Deep Impact”, but her biggest big screen appearance was her role as Julie Mott in “Bad Boys”.

Since then, Tea has done nothing of any importance. She has two movies in the works, “Spanglish”, and “Fun with Dick and Jane”. My advise to Tea; do as many movies while you still can, appear in Playboy (or Penthouse if they won’t take you) and whore yourself out to anyone that’ll bone you.

Larisa Oleynik: I don’t know why I had an infatuation with hot girls that were in Nickelodeon TV series’. Larisa starred in Nick’s “The Secret World of Alex Mack” as Alex Mack. One day walking home from school, some chemical truck crashed into her and gave her the super-human power of turning into water. Sounds gay, but I was 15 and had no life, so I watched every episode. She was also in “Boy Meets World” for a few episodes.

Larisa hasn’t done much of anything since then. She starred in “The Baby-Sitters Club”, was in “10 Things I Hate About You”, and had a stint on “3rd Rock from the Sun” as Alissa Strudwick, the girlfriend of Tommy Solomon. Here’s some advice for Larisa; try out for nudie magazines, then do porn.

Melissa Joan Hart: Another Nickelodeon alumni, Melissa Joan Hart is one of those Hollywood actresses that goes by her first, middle, and last name. Total mystery to me. Anyway, Melissa’s hit show on Nick was “Clarissa Explains It All”. Shortly after, she starred in a show on TGIF called “Sabrina the Teenage Witch”. In this show, Melissa was a teenager coping with her newfound witch abilities, and who is being raised by two lesbian witches. The hit series prompted several spinoffs, such as “Sabrina The Teenage Witch: Spellbound“(cartoon), “Sabrina Goes To Rome”, “Sabrina The Animated Series”, and “Sabrina Down Under”.

Other more recent projects that are non-Sabrina related are “Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker”, “The Voyage to Atlantis: The Lost Empire” as the host, “Not Another Teen Movie” as herself, “Child Star: The Shirley Temple Story” as the executive producer, and “Celebrity Blackjack” as herself.

I remember watching some made for TV movie starring Melissa, and she went into a bathroom, took off her shirt and showed the world her bra-covered tits. I thought, “Wow, she’s a slut. It’ll only be a matter of time before she gets nude and I have good me-time material for the rest of my teens.” Unfortunately, I was wrong.

Elizabeth Hurley: I would say that Elizabeth Hurley is the hottest worst actress in all of Hollywood. She consistently churns out crap movie after crap movie. One of the few things she has done that is decent is “Austin Powers” the first one. She was also involved in “Bedazzled”, directed by Harold Ramis, was actually pretty funny. This movie is about Hurley, as the devil, getting some random guy, Brendan Fraser, to sign his soul over to her for sever wishes. But every time he wishes for something, it turns out utterly chaotic.

Recent work by Hurley is horrible. “Serving Sara”, opposite Matthew Perry, aka talentless hack from “Friends”, is her latelest big-time movie. Same advise for her as Larisa Oleynik and Tea Leoni: nudie magazines, porn, or whore yourself while you’re still hot.

Tiffani Thiessen: Some of you may remember a little show called “Saved by the Bell”. I don’t, because I never watched it. Tiff played Kelly Kapowski in SBTB, and had a somewhat successful career after. She was in “Son In Law”, “Saved by the Bell: The College Years”, and “Saved by the Bell: Wedding in Las Vegas” (she got married to Zach).

Then, her career slowed. She played Valerie Malone in “Beverly Hills, 90210”, and then did just about nothing. “From Dusk Till Dawn 2: Texas Blood Money”, “The Ladies Man”, “Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the Thirteenth”, and “Two Guys, A Girl, And A Pizza Place”. Her resume reads like the obituaries. Advice: Stop making bad movies, there’s still time to pull your career out of the shitter.

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Cardinals Screwed?

Something I have noticed about the Cardinals this post-season is that they have to score 6 or more runs to win a game. Every time they score less than 6 runs, they loose. What is going on? I’m a sports idiot, but I’ll try to explain.

This post-season has been all about the Whitey-Ball, both in the NLCS and ALCS; hitting smart, stealing, capitalizing on errors, and making the best with what a team has. Not smashing home-runs.

Pitching, up until about a year ago, was awful. And it’s not looking much better against the Astros. With Morris shaky at best, Kline with a broken finger, and Carpenter sidelined with a strained right bicep, pitching may be a problem.

But the Cards do have plenty of other pitchers that could pull out a couple W’s. Isringhausen (2.78 ERA), King (2.61 ERA), Tavarez (2.38 ERA), and Marquis (3.71 ERA). Yeah, King may only be able to play one or two innings, Marquis may have a higher ERA than his teammates, and Izzy and Tavarez may not be overly impressive, but that brings be back to my main point.

The Cardinals have a decent pitching staff. Their offense is great, which I believe is their anchor. If the Cardinals have a shot at winning their last 2 games at home (they are undefeated at home this post-season) they need to realize their pitching potential and continue to have a kick-ass offense. The Cards need to play the game they play best, which is getting Womack (not likely, he sucks this post-season at 6 for 40) and/or Walker on base, and pray that Pujols, Rolen, or Edmonds will get RBIs. That’s my opinion.

And if the Cardinals loose, we can always blame it on some ghost, Bartman, a goat, or mustard.

Monday, October 18, 2004

Johnny Depp: “I’m no heartthrob.”

In a recent interview, Johnny Depp stated that he doesn’t really understand why everyone sees him as one of Hollywood’s leading men. Gee Johnny, maybe it’s the hair and that packed-ass wallet. Even at age 41, this guy has the broads lining up for him!

Depp recently celebrated the premiere of his latest movie ”Finding Neverland” in London. He is apparently very likely to win his first Oscar with his most recent role. Finding Neverland is a movie based on James Barrie, the creator of Peter Pan. The movie follows the life of Barrie from the inception of Peter Pan to the premiere of Peter Pan: The Play. It sounds kinda gay, but if anyone can pull it off, it’s JD.

Johnny Depp has some really great movies, including Pirates of the Caribbean, Secret Window, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Sleepy Hollow, and Nick of Time just to name a few. I can honestly say that I’ll see any Depp movie until he makes a flat out bad movie. (I have the same theory when it comes to The Rock’s movies.)

Some interesting up-coming projects for Depp are as follows: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory as Willy Wonka (2005), and Pirates 2 as Jack Sparrow (2006). Depp will also be the executive producer for The Rum Diary, due out in 2006.

Thursday, October 14, 2004

Fahrenheit 9/11: Review OR Michael Moore is Mentally Handicapped

First off, this movie was released in the theaters three months ago. I don’t know what has happened to the movie industry, but if I am going to take any movie seriously I should have to wait at least six months from theater debut to DVD release.

This movie is about 50% whining and sob stories about soldiers that died in the Iraq war. It’s not that I am insensitive to all those that gave their life for the US, I just don’t want to hear about it in a movie that already too long and has little focus.

The other half of the movie is stock footage of George W. and real facts with a very one sided presentation. There are lots of interviews with random old people that are inches away from death and really don’t know what they are talking about, as well as interviews with random locals in small redneck communities.

When I think about why someone would want to make a “movie” like this, the only reason I can come up with is this: Moore wanted to make a name for himself. Sure, he had made other successful documentaries, but he knew a subject of this matter would really grab everyone by the balls and make them take notice.

This movie gave me a headache. Michael Moore is a fat dooshbag. Moore actually pulled his movie from the Academy Awards category of “Documentary Feature” and applied instead for “Best Movie”. If Fahrenheit 911 collects even 1% of the total votes for this category, I will kill myself slowly and painfully.

The only thing remotely cool about Moore is that he actually ENCOURAGED people to download this movie, just because he wanted his “message” to be heard by everybody. Therefore, I would encourage anyone that wants to see this movie to download it first, and if you like it then watch it over and over without paying for it.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004


Awsome flash animation. Click here, come back to my site, and discuss how funny it is.

Saturday, October 09, 2004

Michigan vs. Minnesota: Football in the Big House

I went to the Homecoming football game in Michigan earlier today, Saturday October 9. I don’t follow football; nonetheless it was one of the greatest sporting events I have ever been to. And I have been to some great events; Rams vs. 49ers season closer 2002 – Rams come from behind in the forth quarter, Front Row for WWF Survivor Series, and McGuire’s first game as a Cardinal to name a few.
I don’t know how else to describe the size of the Big House, so I’ll just state the attendance: 111,518. That’s a new football something attendance record. Fucking over 100,000 people there just to watch a football game!
It was a good game too. After trailing Minnesota for the second and third quarter, Michigan pulled it out in the forth quarter, scoring a touchdown to win the game 27-24. I was amazed that the crowd (and I mean EVERYONE in the crowd) chanted, sung, and booed in unison. I have never seen that kind of crowd participation and unity before.
So half my face is burnt from being in the sun, and my legs are a little sore from standing the whole time, and my feet feel like they’re going to fall off, but holy crap, what a game!

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Super-Size Me!: Reviewed

This is an awesome movie that follows a man named Morgan Spurlock through his thirty day journey of dieting on nothing but McDonalds.
Before the experiment, Morgan was 6’2 and 185.5lbs with a body fat of 11%. Two days into the experiment, the subject regurgitates his lunch all over the McDonald’s parking lot.
After five days of eating nothing for McD’s for breakfast, lunch and dinner, Morgan had gained 10lbs! After nine days, he had eaten everything on the menu. That’s just awesome.
Here’s something I found absolutely hilarious. Morgan went to a local grade school and showed several students pictures of famous people. Every kid identified Ronald McDonald’s picture, and not one kid recognized Jesus.
Twelve days after the experiment began, he had gained 17 lbs.
Seventeen days into the experiment, his bitch girlfriend, a vegan chef, is nagging at him about how unhealthy his diet is, and how heroin and ham are equally addictive and harmful. If I were Morgan, I would most likely kill her.
By the third weigh-in, he actually lost a pound, most likely muscle mass, while continuing to gain fat.
Day twenty-one, he wakes up in the middle of the night and can’t breathe. One of his three doctors advised the subject to stop the experiment as soon as possible, stating that this could cause irreversible damage to his liver and heart if he continued. He decided to go against doctor’s orders and finish the experiment. Champion.
Final weigh-in, he tipped the scales at 210lbs. What a fatass.
Like I said, this movie is great. After watching this movie, you still want to eat at McDonalds, or any other fast food place, remember that the saturated fat isn’t the worst thing in your Big Mac. It’s the pubic hair.

Sunday, October 03, 2004

"It's MY SITE, Lilian!"

So everyone else has a website, and mine isn't going to necessarily rock. Like this one is probably better, and this one is definitely better. But I'm not shooting for excellence, just mediocrity. Enjoy.