Saturday, March 26, 2005

Why I Love the OC: Part 1 - The Bars

The bars here are terrific. One of the bars, called The Goat, is comparable to St. Louis’ Growlers. This place had about 130 beers on tap, and isn’t your typical LA bar. It’s not impossible to find, there are plenty of spaces in the parking lot (a rarity), and it’s not crowded in a shoulder-to-shoulder sense. Name aside, it's a great bar.

I couldn’t mention the greatest bars in LA without mentioning The 9-0. This place is the most popular bar on campus, and is only a couple hundred yards away from my front door. It’s only open Monday – Thursday, but that’s where all the sorostitutes go during the week, and if you stay there until closing time, you’re pretty much getting laid. With “2-4-1” deals before 10:00PM, you can’t afford NOT to go at least once a week.

This last bar sounds like teh ghey , but it’s really not. Bar Copa is located on Main in Santa Monica, and is one of those secret bars that doesn’t need to advertise that it exists. The only hint that there is a bar there is the bouncer sitting on a bar stool outside the front door. The entire front of the bar is black with no writing, so it looks like a closed up storefront. When you get inside, it’s very dark with nothing but a few candles lighting the closet-sized bar. It has the feel of a 70’s coke-bar, only without the disco music. I went there for St. Patrick’s Day, so there were lots of great drink specials and tramps. I normally don’t like bars that get huge crowds, but this one was still awesome.

Just for Sean, I’ll try to get some sorostitutes to pose for the site. Check back soon for more on why I love the OC!

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Why I Hate the OC

It’s raining heavily again, and that means a sinking house and bitchin’ Subway deals. This city is just one disappointment after another.

Take for instance Venice Beach. I went there last week on Spring Break and there were absolutely zero hot sluts in thongs or g-strings. Granted it was a weekday, and it’s apparently better on the weekends, but there’s no reason I shouldn’t have seen at least one attractive female with her ass hanging out during SPRING BREAK.

My overall impression of the city can be summed up by my first day here. I was walking around campus, and some dude tried selling me speakers out of the back of his Chester van, then some other guy tried selling me watches while waiting for my food in Jack In The Box.

Onto music. The majority of people here listen to fake punk, and only fake punk. I wouldn’t be bothered by it so much, but for some reason people mistake this for good music. Wake up LA, just because it’s new doesn’t mean it’s good. There’s a guy that lives in my house that listens to nothing but Greenday all the time. He sings AND drums along with every single song. And he sucks at it. Also, he smokes out every night and is about as smart as a fucking stoned ass monkey. Guess what position he holds in the fraternity? I won’t say, but it’s about as obvious as you would think.

I wouldn’t tolerate this town if it weren’t for living right next to 3 different sororities, and seeing all the hot sorostitutes tanning and wearing slutty outfits all the time.

That’s all for now, check back soon for why I love the OC.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Ask any Irish person what St. Patrick’s day is about, and they’ll tell you that it’s about drinking and fighting. Nevermind the legends of the man that chased all the snakes out of Ireland with some magic stick, all the while sporting a green top-hat with a four leaf clover in one pocket and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

This is a day when people of all races, religions, and colors can come together to drink and fight, all in the name of some stupid leprechaun. I’m down with any holiday where it is perfectly acceptable to pinch some slut’s ass because she’s not wearing a certain color. I’m down with drinking green beer. I’m down with going to a parade in the early ass morning, and already being intoxicated.

The greatest thing about St. Patrick’s Day is you don’t even have to be Irish to celebrate it! Just grab a green beer, drink up, and enjoy the day. But it doesn’t have to stop there, the true spirit of St. Patrick’s Day can be observed every day of the year. So cheers to St. Patrick’s Day, drunkenness, the designated driver, and acute liver failure by the age of 30.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Deadwood Season 1 Review

Since Byron did a recent post on the original HBO series “Deadwood”, I thought I would review the first season.

The series is based on real people and uses creative liberties as little as possible. Deadwood was a real city, and a lot of the storylines really did occur. The first season is great, if for no other reason, because you can notice the change in Deadwood from the first episode to the last. Through an outbreak of smallpox, countless killings and assassinations, and plenty of whiskey drinking and poker playing comes a self government, complete with fire marshal, health inspector, and yes, even sheriff and mayor. However, the town is just as corrupt as it’s faux government.

Here’s a rundown of the main characters:

Wild Bill (an ex-law man and expert gunman)
His traveling companion Calamity Jane (a drunken nurse)
Seth Bullock (another ex-law man, hardware store owner, and new friend of WB)
Al Swearengen (owner of the Gem Saloon and whore house, and unofficial leader of Deadwood)
E.B. Farnum (the right-hand-man of Al and hotel owner)
Trixie (Al’s main whore)
Cy Tolliver (rival bar, casino, and brothel owner)
Joannie Stubbs, (Cy’s main whore)
Doc Cochran (who is about as qualified to be a doctor as I am. He mainly supplies Al and his whore house with lube and weekly check-ups).
Alma Garrett (widow that owns a boss gold claim)

Al Swearengen is easily the most likable character of the series, played by Ian (right), who won a Golden Globe for his outstanding portrayal of the dope, pussy, and whiskey-selling kingpin. Providing miners with alcohol, cunt, and drugs is what Al does best, and anyone that gets in his way ends up in a cheap wood box. He is so likable because though he orders the killing of what may seem to be innocent people, he convinces the audience that they all deserve what they get.

Another notable character is Wild Bill Hickok. WB is able to see trouble with 20/20 vision and gun down any fools stupid enough to mess with him, even before they have a chance to pull their gun from their holster. The best way to describe his personality is exactly like Al, only he isn’t concerned about money or pussy, just poker and getting drunk. One of the earlier episodes had a great scene where some random guy was mouthing off to WB, so WB called him a cunt more times than I could count. I can’t properly articulate how awesome the scene is; you just have to watch it.

Though season 1 DVD has no rating, it deserves M for mature, due to the countless “cock-sucker”, “mother-fucker” and “cunt” references.

I’ll give this season of Deadwood 4 / 5 Stars. The only reason it doesn’t get 5 is because at times it’s tough to translate the dialogue through all the cunts and mother fuckers and cock-suckers, and sometimes it moves a little fast. Or maybe I’m just a little slow. Either way, excellent show!

Monday, March 07, 2005

Top 10 Movies of the Weekend

Somebody please help me understand what the f is going on. “The Pacifier”, starring Vin Diesel grossed over $30 million this past weekend, which is a pretty impressive opening for a movie starring a homosexual male playing an FBI agent on a babysitting assignment.

The number two movie of the weekend was “Be Cool”, earning $23.5 million, staring John Travolta, Uma Thurman, Vince Vaughn, Duane “The Rock” Johnson, and Danny DeVito. I did hear, however, that the only redeeming quality of this movie came from The Rock’s performance, but I can’t fathom a world where this movie deserves to be second in any way to “The Pacifier”.

That shitty Will Smith movie, “Hitch”, is still hanging in there with $12.5 million for the weekend, taking the number 3 spot. Here’s the rest of the top 10 list, according to

4. “Dairy of a Mad Black Woman” – $12 million
5. “Million Dollar Baby” – $8.5 million
6. “Constantine” - $6.0 million
7. “Cursed” – $3.9 million
8. “Man of the House” - $3.5 million
9. “Because of Winn-Dixie” – $3.5 million
10. “The Jacket” - $2.7 million

I will note that it is a shame and disgrace that “Million Dollar Baby”, the supposed Best Film of the Year, is earning less than one third of some shitty Vin Diesel flick. If I were Clint, I would pull that movie from the theaters out of embarrassment.

Also, has anyone seen “Constantine”? I don’t really want to go see it, but will probably rent it when it’s on DVD. I just want someone that has seen it to confirm that is in fact not a good movie.

Friday, March 04, 2005

Fox Sweeps the Sweeps

Every three months, national TV networks have what they call "sweeps", which last an entire month, to determine local advertising rates for the next quarter. This is the time when new seasons begin and old seasons end, and big plot twists occur in order to inflate ratings.

This past February marked the first time that the Fox network was ranked #1 among the national TV networks. The Super Bowl, American Idol, 24, and House are just some of the hit shows that Fox has to offer the target demographic of 18 - 49 year olds. However, if you take away the Super Bowl broadcast, Fox would have finished third.

NBC, which was once a #1 network, is now fourth. Thursday night, which NBC once monopolized, is down 15% compared to February 2004. Taking away the Grammies, Academy Awards, and Super Bowl, NBC would have finished second.

I will now rate the top shows that dominated the sweeps.

Academy Awards: ABC - 42.1 million viewers. The AAs are great, not because movies and actors are recognized for their greatness, but because celebrities say stupid things and dress slutty and fall out of their tops. I could really give less than 2 shits about who wins an Oscar, for me it's all about watching famous people giving speeches while totally inebriated, and it's fun watching rich people being naughty. 4/5 Stars.

24: Fox - Not in the top 10. 24 is a great show. Though commonly referred to as an evening soap opera, a more accurate genera description would be a comic book style drama. Jack Bauer is an agent for the Counter Terrorist Unit based out of Los Angeles. The events of the show occur in real time. I have never actually seen the show on TV, but I really enjoy it on DVD, because I can watch like half the season back to back. 4/5 Stars.

American Idol: Fox - average of 26.2 million viewers / episode. This waste of air time, hour-long abortion of a show should have never happened. What ever happened to EARNING a recording contract, and paying your dues by being a starving artist? Literally, only eating once a week and drinking gutter water until that fateful day when the talent scout sipping his $6 Starbucks and checking his stocks on his cell phone decides that the long haired cover artist screeching "Come Sail Away" deserves a seventeen record contract. 1/5 Stars.

Super Bowl: Fox - 86.1 million viewers. The game this year wasn't so good, but the commercials were alright. The half time show was definitely boss. I have a feeling the Fox executives were thinking, "Let's just have Paul McCartney play for 20 minutes, and it will be fucking great. No special appearances by Eminem or Britany Spears, just classic Paul." And yeah, that's right, I said the half time show was boss. 3.5/5 Stars just because the half time show was boss.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

WrestleMania 21 Matches and Predictions

Those of you who follow WWE most likely already know the matches announced for WrestleMania, which is the Super Bowl of wrestling, and those of you who don't follow it won't care, but I'm going over the matches announced thus far anyway.

HHH (World Heavyweight Champion) vs. Batista

This is big because there's the possibly that HHH will be doing the job (loosing cleanly) in back-to-back WrestleManias. Last year, Chris Benoit defeated him in the main event for his first ever Heavyweight title reign. If HHH does indeed go down (no homo) it would be huge (no homo again). My money's going on the Batista Man.

JBL (WWE Champ) vs. John Cena

I am looking forward to this match solely because it would put an end to a title reign that should have never happened in my and many other wrestling fan's opinion. JBL had no heat when he got the title; no personality, or charisma, and he wasn't even that great of a wrestler. Though I feel that he didn't deserve the title when it was given to him, I feel he has earned it since then, but that's no way to make a champion. Just leave the belt on him long enough, people will get use to the idea as he gets better. Lame. I am confident that Cena will leave with the gold. Cena's star is rising, and to not put the title on him would just be holding him back.

Kurt Angle vs HBK

This match definitely has "match of the year" potential. HBK is just phenomenal, and I feel he and Angle could have a match that rivals the Iron Man Match between HBK and Bret Hart. As a matter of fact, why not make it an Iron Man Match? Who do I pick to win? Who cares, the match will be awsome and the outcome really doesn't matter as long as the match meets my expectations.

The only not-a-match segment confirmed for the show is Stone Cold's return in an interview with "Rowdy" Roddy Piper. Stone Cold recently held a press conference with Vince McMahon and announced that WWE would be starting a film company, and Stone Cold has a 3 movie contract. I really don't think anyone should care about the interview at WM21, for one because his appearance isn't in a wrestling capacity. The other reason is that instead of having Stone Cold spout off his tired catch phrases for 10 minutes, there could instead be a wrestling match, which is why people watch WrestleMania.

No other matches are set, but Chris Jericho announced this past Monday on RAW that he is putting together a Ladder match with 5 other RAW superstars. Possible participants include Chris Benoit, Christian, Edge, Kane, and Ric Flair from the RAW brand, and Booker T, Rob Van Dam, Eddie Guerrero, Charlie Haas, Paul London, and Orlando Jordan from the SmackDown brand.

Also on RAW, Randy Orton hinted at a match with the Undertaker. Taker is the only active wrestler that Orton hasn't proven himself against. Last Wrestlemania, Orton beat Mick Foley, the hardcore legend, in a totally sick hardcore match (thumb tacks, tables, chairs, barb wire...). Here's the hook for this possible match, Taker has never lost a WrestleMania match in his 13 year history with the company. I have been a Taker fan ever since his debut, and I know a guy that went to high school with Randy Orton, so it'll definitely be a "mark out" (little kid in a candy store) moment for me. Plus, Orton is a natural in the ring, and combine that with Taker's veteran in-ring ability and knowledge, it should make for an excellent match.

WrestleMania is live on Sunday, April 3rd from the sold out Staples Center in Los Angeles, CA. Hopefully I'll get some scalped tickets, so if you or anyone you know has any extra tickets to the show contact me at