Friday, April 14, 2006

Movies Coming in 2007

In alphabetical order.

Andre: Heart of the Giant - I'm pretty sure I talked about this once before, but I just wanted to remind everyone it's probably going to not be very good.
AVP2 (Aliens vs. Predator 2) - I don't think it's possible for it to be worse than the first, but I have been wrong before.
The Butterfly Effect 2 (sans Ashton Kutcher) - I thought he died in the original?
Castlevania - Movies based on video games have always failed to impress me, am I right?
Fahrenheit 911.5
Fantastic Four 2
Fraggle Rock: The Movie
- Holy shit!
Futurama
Hellboy 2: The Golden Army
Homey the Clown
- Written by Damon Wayans, starring Damon Wayans, special guest appearance by me as I vomit uncontrolibly just thinking about this abomination.
Indiana Jones 4
King Tut
- Could be cool.
Magneto - Explores the life of Eric Magnus as he gets his revenge on the nazis and meets Professor Xavier. Could be a very good X-men prequel.
Meg - "From the director of Speed and Twister" comes a film adaptation of a book about a 50 ton shark. I think this one has actually been done already, about 30 years ago.
National Treasure 2
Ocean's Thirteen
Old School 2
Phantasmagoria: The Visions of Lewis Carroll
- Starring Marilyn Manson, a series of 4 short films.
Pirates Of The Caribbean 3
Random Acts of Cruelty
Random Acts of Kindness
- I hope somehow before either of these movies are released, they will combine and create a movie called Random Acts of Averageness, or these two open the same weekend and cancel each other out.
Resident Evil: Extinction - Making her big-screen debut...Debra McMichael (Stone Cold's ex-wife)
Ring 3
Rush Hour 3
Shrek the Third
Sin City 2
Spider Man 3
- Kirsten Dunst dies, Sandman is introduced, as is Venom.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - Looks like it's going to be cg.
Three Stooges - Right now Jeff Bridges is in negotiations to play Larry, and nothing else is set.
Transformers - Directed by Michael Bay, the king of average movies.
Untitled Friday the 13th Sequel - Also directed by Michael Bay.
Welcome Back, Kotter
Whiskey River
- An American soldier is called back to active duty before he's fully recovered, prompting his father to kidnap him.
Witchblade
Wonder Woman

5 comments:

CalvinPitt said...

Fraggle Rock? I concur, holy shit.

I'm hopeful for Spider-Man 3 and Fantastic Four 2. I'd feel better about Spider-Man if it had Eliza Dushku as the Black Cat (as was once rumored) but oh well.

Please let Indiana Jones 4 be good.

Another Ninja Turtles movie? Why?

Hopefully Magneto will be good. Is Ian McKellen still going to play him, or is it somebody else since it's younger Magneto?

Meg is different though! See the shark is over 60 feet long and fifty tons, instead of 25 and 3! OK, never mind. The book wasn't bad though.

Bill said...

Ian McKellen is indeed signed on to play Magneto, most likely modern day Magneto and the younger Eric Magnus will be played by someone else.

ZukeMorty said...

I couldn't tell if you were making up half of these. But I guess you weren't. You had me laughing out loud at the "random acts" stuff.

Was Devil's Reject's actually worse than House... ?How can Rob Zombie make such good music and such horribill movies?

Bill said...

Every single one of these can be found on imdb.com
And I haven't seen Devil's Rejects, but it's a horror film (which is a bad genere to begin with) and Zombie is such a new director there's no way it can be good.
One of these days I'll have to do an actual review of House of 1000 Corpses.

Fitz said...

Magneto is going to be the story of Magneto surviving the Holocaust as a teenager, allegedly.