Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Horri-Bill Awards: Round 1 - Worst Actor and Actress

Worst Actor Nominations:


Tom Cruise: Nominated not just because he is a terrible actor, but because he is so overrated and continues to make crap, and obviously because of his ridiculous comments made on modern-day medical techniques, his stupid religion, and his actions on daytime TV. I have also been instructed to end his worthless life should he mess up one more time. So watch your back, hippie, because you never know when I could get that call.



Ice Cube: Known for his great roles in “xXx State of the Union”, “Torque”, “Barbershop”, “Ghosts of Mars”, and “Anaconda”. There’s no other way to explain how I feel about Cube’s movies than this - they give me explosive diarrhea. Cube, you need to get away from the camera and back behind the mic.

Winner of Worst Actor: Tom Cruise makes me nauseous, and question if there is indeed a God, but there’s nothing worse than having an extreme case of liquid poo. Ice Cube, you win, but we all loose.

Worst Actress:


Katie Holmes: Guilt by association. If some dumb Hollywood bimbo sleeps with Tom Cruise for long enough, she’s going to start believing his propaganda. She’s been brainwashed and is now considered dead to me. But I’d still do her (unless she was legally dead, then I wouldn’t).

Due to a lack of other nominations, the only nominee and winner of Worst Actress is Katie Holmes! Maybe Cruise and Holmes will do some cute “I Love You” movie together to help pay for their wedding, or maybe they’ll break up long before they get a chance to divorce eachother. Either way, it’s sure to be entertaining.

Check back soon for another round of the Horri-Bill Awards, bitches!

2 comments:

Fitz said...

>But I’d still do her (unless she was legally dead, then I wouldn’t).

fantastically funny.

ZukeMorty said...

Ok, give Ice Cube a break. Boyz N the Hood, Friday, Three Kings, and Barbershop (1&2) were all pretty good. I'd prefer him over most.