The Pacifier: Vin Diesel is a rogue FBI agent that plays by no one’s rules, except his own. After botching a very important assignment involving Osama Bin Laden, the Queen of England, and ninety kilos of pure, undetectable cocaine, he is reassigned to baby-sit some ratty screaming kids. This movie is about on the same level as that made up sitcom from Seinfeld, where Jerry gets rear-ended by some guy without insurance, so the judge sentences the guy to be Jerry’s butler (Vin would play the butler.) And remember, this loose cannon plays by no one’s rules. Not even his own.
Electra: Taking place before the popular and Horri-Bill worthy Daredevil, this movie stars the beautiful Jennifer Garner. The once assassin turned softie finds herself smack dab in the middle of a moral dilemma; kill the people she was hired to kill, or protect them and be killed herself by wizards from the future and robotic ghosts. Electra is hunted by a guy can make tattoos jump off his body and take form of animals, such as snakes and tigers. If I had that badass power, I would make an alpaca, or even one of these jump out of my skin.
Hitch: Will Smith leads in this, the fifth highest grossing movie of the year (vomit). Also starring in this monstrosity is Kevin James (The King of Queens) and Eva Mendes (extremely hot). Smith plays a gay matchmaker, teaching James the ropes of dating, dancing, and other social necessities. It might as well have been called “Queer; The Movie” or “Lets Gag America”.
The Winner is: Hitch! Something that is so bad that made so much money deserves to be singled out as by far the worst movie thus far in 2005. Please, don’t ever buy, rent, even download this movie. You’d just be wasting valuable bandwidth that could be used for pron viewing.
3 comments:
I personally think "War of the Worlds" trumps all of these in terms of suck.
I haven't seen WotW, not that it matters since I haven't seen any other movie that was nominated, but since WotW came out pretty recently it could be considered for the Winter '05 HBs.
LOL at you badmouthing movies you've never seen. Not that I've seen any of them, or have any desire to see them (well, maybe a little for Eva Mendes)
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