If you’re a smart sports fan, or have a single drop of good taste, then it’s very likely that you’re an avid hockey hater. Why do so many people hate on a game (not calling it a sport just yet) that has such a rich history and popular following in other parts of the world?
Lets take several things into consideration. Hockey is a very physically demanding game. Although it’s really really fucking gay for grown men to be skating around for a living, it takes a lot of conditioning, endurance, and toughness to get knocked around the way these guys deserve to.
One reason why so many people despise watching hockey on TV, listening via radio, or paying to see in person is the sheer randomness of the game. The puck is difficult to follow in person or at home. The goals are often scored by accident or done so without a goaltender. How many times have you seen a baseball game where a homerun happened after all three outfielders deflected the ball over the fence? That’s every hockey game.
The other big reason hockey is the red-headed step-child of all sports is because the seasons are 7 months long (end of September to end of April), and that’s not including the postseason. There are as many as 5 days between games, plus there’s a 3 week long Olympic Break. No wonder the masses have the attention span of a 4-year-old on speed when it comes to hockey. People are oversaturated with hockey for like 11 months a year, and the one month off is spent talking about the next season.
Lastly, ten years ago hockey was very different. Fights were considered commonplace and part of any hockey game. Now, the game is so watered-down and pussified the fights are broken up! Just like the crap cheesy porn flicks that air late-night on USA with all the boobage edited out, hockey has lost the only thing I ever wanted to see.
It’s no surprise that the target audience for hockey are stupid, toothless hicks, because the very athletes that play hockey are just as toothless and stupid after years and years of blind-sided side-checks. Also is hockey even played? It just doesn’t sound right. Play hockey. Wrestling isn’t played, it’s wrestled. So is hockey hocked, or is it played?
So there’s no question that hockey totally sucks, the only question that still stands is if it is indeed a sport. I believe that it’s a lot like golf, a game that can’t be won or lost, just played, except golfers are way cooler and a lot less homo. Therefore, I declare that hockey is not a sport. By far, the hardest part of being a hockey player is the skating. And I think we all know the hardest part of being an ice-skater; telling your dad you’re gay.
2 comments:
>And I think we all know the hardest part of being an ice-skater; telling your dad you’re gay.
Hilarious.
And the only point that really matters is that hockey is so hard to do, that when you do something good, it's on accident.
well played, flyno and bill alike.
It's a good point that perhaps hockey is too hard to do anything coordinated. I don't like to call it hard, but maybe complicated. I mean, skating, puckhandling, and all the little things are a lot to take care of at once, especially when dudes can pretty much do anything to stop you. Imagine if in basketball guys were allowed to just punch you in the face at any moment. then it would suck. or rule. i'm not sure.
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