Superman Returns: Reviewed

Get ready for basically a blowjob aimed at Bryan Singer.

This movie is so excellent, my words can’t adequately sum it up. The acting, direction, effects, lighting, writing, music, and everything else is top notch. It’s a shame it won’t get nominated for any important awards, but hopefully I’m wrong.

One actor I want to point out is Frank Langella who plays Perry White, the editor of the Daily Planet. He also plays a great devil worshiper in The Ninth Gate. Langella doesn’t have that much face time in Returns, but he does a great job.

Musically, I couldn’t have been more satisfied. The use of the classic Superman theme was key, and the rest of the score was just as excellent. If a new Superman theme song had been created, it just wouldn’t have been the same (think of trying to redo the peanut and jelly sandwich without peanut butter or jelly).

There are some interesting new stories introduced that I won’t go into, but I don’t think they have been dealt with in the comics, classic movies, or cartoons and TV series. This isn’t a remake or recycling of some tired old plots either…well it kind of is, but you really won’t care. Lex Luthor attempts to take over the world; Superman tries his hardest to stop him. So it’s pretty much the same old storyline, but it’s still great.

You will notice more than a couple cinematic similarities to X-Men and X2, but that doesn’t crowd the movie’s style. When I noticed these similarities, I thought to myself that Singer was just using the X-Men series as practice for the comic movie he really wanted to do.

Just before I saw Superman Returns I was lucky enough to catch the original Superman with Christopher Reeve on HBO, and it made me appreciate Returns so much more. There are tons of subtle nods to the original Superman (Lois’ smoking and not being able to spell, Kent’s clumsiness, along with a few well placed quotes).

As great as Superman Returns was, I hate having to give it a rating of 4.75 / 5 stars. There were a couple things that just got under my skin that I won’t get into yet; I’ll give everyone some time to see it. And when you do, make sure you see it in IMAX, the 3D scenes are so cool.

Superman Returns

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Nacho Libre Reviewed

As I write this, so far the movie has grossed over $40 million. Danny Elfman was the composer for this movie, who has done some great work in the past. From the director and writer of Napoleon Dynamite, starring Jack Black as a Mexican monk that becomes the world’s greatest wrestler to raise money for the orphan children of the monastery. The antagonist is played by an ex WCW wrestler that went by the name of Silver King in the late 90’s.

Being a huge fan of JB, I had high hopes for this movie and I hate to say it, but I was greatly disappointed. The wrestling scenes were actually very good, as were the scenes with JB singing, but the rest of the movie was too much story and not enough comedy. Don’t expect your typical JB movie, which would normally have a barrage of puns and gags and physical comedy that makes you want to cry. This movie makes just makes you want to cry.

I think I know why this movie was a disappointment to me, as much as I hate to admit it. It was a Nickelodeon film, so their goal was to make the movie appeal to old kids and young teenagers. It just so happened that they suckered JB fans into seeing it.

Before seeing this movie I thought it would be impossible to put JB in a movie and not have him be funny the majority of the time he was on screen, but I was proved wrong. Don’t bother seeing this movie in the theater, and I wouldn’t even recommend renting it on DVD. Save your money for Superman Returns in IMAX, or Pirates 2. “Nacho Libre”, more like “Nacho Let-Down”. If you do buy it on DVD, you could always make Nacho Libre nachos on the disc.

Flickr

Of the 5 people that read my site, there’s probably only one person that will really appreciate my Flickr page, which is a site that I upload my better photos to. I’ve updated it with some of the pictures I took in New York and Niagara Falls, but I took so many pictures in NY (around 2000) it will take months just to sort them out.

The New York Trip

I’ve been quiet lately, and I’m going to be quiet for a few more weeks probably. I hate making articles that are more like diary entries, but I’m going to New York City really soon and it’s going to be very awesome.

I’m going to do the usual tourist things like Empire State, Ellis Island / Statue of Liberty, Central Park, Ground Zero, and Times Square, but the highlight is going to be Mets vs. Giants (Saturday June 3rd), and Yankees vs. Red Socks (Monday June 5th). The timing of my trip is too good not to take advantage of these two games, and the only way to make it any sweeter is if the home teams pull out some wins.

So not that it matters, but I may not update for a while. Or, maybe I’ll update way more often than normal if I have some spare time when I’m in the Big Apple.

Movies Coming in 2008

...and beyond.

The Green Hornet has been suspended for some reason, not that it would have been a great success anyway, I never followed any Marvel books so I have no idea what TGH is about.
Jurassic Park 4...this time, the T-Rex is back...again...and he's still pissed!
Puss In Boots, starring Antonio Banderas as the lovable cat we all know from Shrek 2.
Terminator 4, I don't want to spoil the whole thing for you...but I hear he fights a robot from the future...maybe even the past!
Sin City 3
The Smurfs
Batman Begins Sequel (Untitled)

And in 2009...
Captain America, and an Untitled Superman Returns Sequel

Movies Coming in 2007

In alphabetical order.

Andre: Heart of the Giant - I'm pretty sure I talked about this once before, but I just wanted to remind everyone it's probably going to not be very good.
AVP2 (Aliens vs. Predator 2) - I don't think it's possible for it to be worse than the first, but I have been wrong before.
The Butterfly Effect 2 (sans Ashton Kutcher) - I thought he died in the original?
Castlevania - Movies based on video games have always failed to impress me, am I right?
Fahrenheit 911.5
Fantastic Four 2
Fraggle Rock: The Movie - Holy shit!
Futurama
Hellboy 2: The Golden Army
Homey the Clown - Written by Damon Wayans, starring Damon Wayans, special guest appearance by me as I vomit uncontrolibly just thinking about this abomination.
Indiana Jones 4
King Tut - Could be cool.
Magneto - Explores the life of Eric Magnus as he gets his revenge on the nazis and meets Professor Xavier. Could be a very good X-men prequel.
Meg - "From the director of Speed and Twister" comes a film adaptation of a book about a 50 ton shark. I think this one has actually been done already, about 30 years ago.
National Treasure 2
Ocean's Thirteen
Old School 2
Phantasmagoria: The Visions of Lewis Carroll - Starring Marilyn Manson, a series of 4 short films.
Pirates Of The Caribbean 3
Random Acts of Cruelty
Random Acts of Kindness - I hope somehow before either of these movies are released, they will combine and create a movie called Random Acts of Averageness, or these two open the same weekend and cancel each other out.
Resident Evil: Extinction - Making her big-screen debut...Debra McMichael (Stone Cold's ex-wife)
Ring 3
Rush Hour 3
Shrek the Third
Sin City 2
Spider Man 3 - Kirsten Dunst dies, Sandman is introduced, as is Venom.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - Looks like it's going to be cg.
Three Stooges - Right now Jeff Bridges is in negotiations to play Larry, and nothing else is set.
Transformers - Directed by Michael Bay, the king of average movies.
Untitled Friday the 13th Sequel - Also directed by Michael Bay.
Welcome Back, Kotter
Whiskey River - An American soldier is called back to active duty before he's fully recovered, prompting his father to kidnap him.
Witchblade
Wonder Woman

The Funny Four

I’ve been having a creative slump for quite some time, so here’s a link to RawDog’s (Sirius’s comedy channel) bracket for their March comedy tournament, The Funny Four.

Some interesting march-ups that are either scheduled or expected to occur: Artie Lange vs. Mitch Hedberg, Dave Attell vs. Dane Cook, and Dave Chappelle vs. Chris Rock.

Some of these brackets I wish there could be two losers, such as Larry the Cable Guy vs. Bobcat Golthwaite and Carrot Top vs. George Carlin (I don’t care what other people say, I don’t think he’s funny).

Slasher: Review

Despite the title, it’s not what you think, neither a really bad horror movie nor a parody by the Wayans brothers. This is a documentary about a car salesman that travels to Memphis, one of the poorest cities in the country, to try to sell a ton of cars in one weekend. Apparently, car dealerships do this kind of “slasher” sale all the time, and hire slasher salesmen from all over the country to boost sales.

The movie follows Michael Bennett, aka the Slasher salesman, and self proclaimed best Slasher ever. A Los Angeles native, the raspy-voiced, chain-smoking, alcohol depended, middle-aged husband of two brings his followers (a disc jockey that plays music at the car lots to promotes the sale to drivers by, and another salesman that closes the deals that the Slasher starts) along with him to assist in his selling of fine used automobiles.

You may be asking yourself, what makes people buy cars at these slasher sales? The almost false promise of getting a really cheap car (less than $100). One such family that bought one of these cheap cars gave it to their college-bound daughter, and the expression on her face when she saw her brand new shit box is priceless. She’s also totally embarrassed when her parents brag to all the section-8 neighbors about their $88 rolling turd. There are only two of these cheap piles of crap for $88, and the other car literally breaks down in the driveway of the family that bought it.

This is a good movie for a number of reasons. It’s amusing to watch the Slasher try to worm and weasel his way through a sale. The Slasher, the people buying cars, even the owner of the dealership are all entertaining in their own way.

Huge Announcement!

According to Amazon.com, drumrole please, David Spade's comedy special Take the Hit is coming soon to DVD! The comedy special debuted in 1998 on HBO, and has been pirated on every modern kind of media known to man (mp3, cd, audio tape, and even vhs) except DVD. It looks like we won't need to look for an illegal copy any longer, friends. Release date is April 11, 2006, run time is 60 minutes, and hilarity is guaranteed.

Link to the Amazon dot com page here.

Hollywood Update

Pirates is coming out with a sequel later this year, meanwhile the third in the series is filming. Directed by Gore Verbinski, the guy that did the original Pirates, I’m sure it will be a crowd pleaser and a box office success. It looks like rumors that Keith Richards playing a cameo as Depp’s father in either the sequel or the third in the trilogy are only rumors, as IMDB has not credited him in either movie. If you like the first then you’ll definitely like the second and third. Especially with the return of Keira Knightley, and the debut of Vanessa Branch.

The Sin City sequel is in pre-production, and is due out in ‘08. Frank Miller in a recent interview was asked if there’s a possibility of a third in the series, and he responded that he’s already in talks for a 4,5, and 6 in the series, as well as a TV series.

Andre; Heart of a Giant, a sports documentary, is due out shortly. Having actors portray pro-wrestlers (Terry Funk, Bruno Sammartino, and director/writer Drew Sky (who?) as Vince), it will almost assuredly be a flop, even among the loyal wrestling marks. An interesting note is that Matthew McGrory was slated to play Andre; he even did some filming, before he unfortunately passed away in August ‘05. Best knows for his role in Big Fish as the giant, he has also starred in House of 1000 Corpses (HB Winner), as well as the sequel The Devil’s Rejects, as Tiny.

Lastly, Seth MacFarlane, creator, writer, director, and voice of Family Guy is heading up a new project called Family Union, which will be a Family Guy family reunion. Most likely it will be the format of the other Family Guy movie, a three-part series of episodes.

That’s all for now. Read this article on CNN.com about a movie that documents the film rating process, it sounds like an interesting flick.

Sirius Reviewed

There are currently over 3 million Sirius subscribers. Cursing, commercial-free music, Howard Stern uncensored, and plenty of selection from bluegrass music to blue-collar comedy are all just a taste of what Sirius has to offer. What’s not to like?

If there is a downside to Sirius, it’s that there is too much content. I don’t think the average satellite radio subscriber is going to listen to sports, dance, country, christian, gay/lesbian, rock, and pop content. Essentially, you’re paying for services that you’ll never use. If Sirius had different packages for people that just want rock or Stern or rap, I think they would have a lot more subscribers, just like you have basic cable TV packages, and your extras like HBO and Showtime and Stars. Give people one-tenth the amount of the channels filled with content that is interesting and relevant to their life, and Sirius would be much more popular.

Of course, my review of Sirius would not be complete without mentioning the Howard Stern Show. Unlike many of the other channels on Sirius, the Stern show is NOT commercial-free (about 6 minutes an hour), just so everyone has time to get a quick breakfast or bathroom break, etc. Also, the acquisition of George Takei (Star Trek’s Captain Sulu) as the announcer of the Stern show is absolutely perfect. He fits into the show like a piece of an elaborate jigsaw puzzle, like he’s been in the studio with them for years. He’s a great addition to the show, even if he is only signed for the first week. A gay asian with a deep, soothing voice is pure entertainment (nh).

Something very smart that Stern has done for his west coast fans, and fans that aren’t able to catch his broadcast live the first time around (on Howard 100), is to pre-empt his show two hours later on his other channel (Howard 101). This means that for everyone that doesn’t wake up ungodly early, you can listen to the second playing and not miss out on anything. And if you still can’t catch either the live or pre-empted airing, there’s a replay at night.

Something that I find interesting about Sirius is the text that scrolls across the Sirius receiver. You get scores for sport events, the band name and title of the song that you’re listening to, and any message that the DJ wants to convey.

The verdict; Sirius is a very entertaining medium. No matter what kind of music I feel like listening to, I have an entire channel with nothing but that genre. Stern’s show is funny, especially with the new addition of vulgarity (I don’t care what anyone says, sometimes a joke is better with swearing), but it’s more or less a five minute bit then fifteen minutes of, “I can’t believe we just did/said that, we can do/say whatever we want here and no one can do anything about it!” Not to say that the show isn’t funny and entertaining, but I’m sure eventually Stern will find his groove.

Other things to consider; the cost of the receiver, cost of monthly subscription (or one time cost of the lifetime subscription), and possible poor reception if you live in the boonies or if it’s raining (at first I had very bad reception, but after putting the antennae outside it’s much better). All that being said, I give Sirius 4 / 5 stars!

It could be better if it didn’t have so much worthless content to me, and if I didn’t have to put the antennae outside to get a decent reception (better yet if the antennae was just like a cell phone antennae and could actually get reception inside a building). Also, the receiver I bought has no battery, so I can’t listen to it unless it’s plugged in. There are some receivers that have built-in batteries, but they are very expensive and you also have to buy either the home or the car kits.

Band Camp Review

NOTE: I'm very biased with this movie.

If you didn’t like any of the first three in the American Pie series, you definitely won’t like the latest installment. I can best describe Band Camp as Ernest Goes To Camp meets American Pie.

Here’s the jist; Matt Stiffler (Steve’s younger brother) is sentenced to attend Band Camp as punishment for a high school prank. To impress his older brother, he uses spy cameras and sleezeball tactics to take Girls-Gone-Wild-esk videos of the girl’s showers.

Directed by Steve Rash, this movie is at least as entertaining as the other A.P. movies. Something that brings a much-needed breath of fresh air to the series is the absence of the majority of the original cast members. That means NO Sean William Scott (he would have cost too much). After all, he’s been in a movie with The Rock, and that means that he’s good.

As usual, you can expect the normal A.P. gags, such as ingesting bodily fluids and humping inanimate objects. And watch out for the bearded guitar player in the campfire scene, it’s Chris Rash, my former-neighbor when I lived in LA. (By neighbor, I mean there was about three inches between my room and his, God love the 100 year old Fraternity house.)

You pretty much know what to expect going into this movie. It’s no comedic masterpiece, but it’s definitely worth checking out. Great one-liners, Eugene Levy is terrific, and call it my low-brow sense of humor, but I give this movie 3.0 / 5 stars!

By the way, tons and tons of naked Playboy Playmate titties.

Flu Vaccinations Are For Fat People!

Not too long ago, I got a weak little sinus infection that knocked me on my ass for about a week. But then, someone at my work said the magic words, “Are you loosing weight?” An idea popped in my head that is so genius, so revolutionary it will change the way people diet, exercise, and shed those unwanted pounds forever.

Every year, fat and fit people alike spend billions of dollars on pills, shakes, vitamins, and dozens of other products that promise miracle weight loss. People also spend billions inoculating themselves against the latest strains of the flu, the common cold, and other viral infections. This innovative and interesting new product is designed to help you shed those holiday pounds, all the while giving you all the benefits of an old-fashioned flu shot.

The product I am developing is called Tru-Flu, and here’s how it works. My idea is to inject people with an extremely dangerous and deadly strain of the same virus people are getting inoculated against, leaving them bedridden for days or even weeks. The basic idea is that when you have a cold, you feel like total crap, stay in bed, and don’t even feel like eating, thereby causing you to loose a ton of weight.

The key to my Tru-Flu shot is no exercise, just laying around all day while your butler, maid, spouse, or one of your parents (sometimes they’re all the same person, Alabama) waits on you!

I’m working on a book and DVD as well, which should be out in time for the holidays, so don’t forget about those last minute gifts!

I’m in the progress of inking a deal with a major drug company to make both a brand name and generic Tru-Flu shot, guaranteed to get you sick and loose five, ten, even twelve pounds in as little as one week! And if you can’t afford the generic, then just give me like ten bucks and I’ll spit in your mouth.

Greg the Bunny: Reviewed

Before you prejudge, read the article and then decide if this show is for you.

This show debuted on the Fox network back in 2002. The show stars Greg, an immature puppet bunny that is the main character of a children’s TV show, not that much unlike Sesame Street. Other puppets include; Warren the Ape (the Shakespearian British lush), Count Blah (the Romanian vampire), and Tardy the Turtle (the slow-minded turtle).

Regular human cast members include Eugene Levy as the dry-humored director for the children’s show, Sarah Silverman (hottest Jew I've ever seen, funny too) as the bitchy network executive, Dina Waters (aka Dina Spybey, also hot right now) as Dottie the ditzy slutty blonde on the childern’s show, Bob Gunton (best known as Warden Notron in Shawshank) as Junction Jack, the Vietnam vet. NRA train conductor for the children’s show, and lastly Seth Green as Eugene’s son and the Assistant Producer (aka coffee gopher).

Crossdressing, lesbianism and gayness, puppet racism, and Hollywood politics are some of the topics this show tackles, all with a witty and fresh comical outlook.

You will enjoy this show if you’re a fan of Seth Green or Crank Yankers. You will not enjoy this show if you don’t like puppets and adult oriented humor.

As with any other show or movie, if you don’t have any expectations for it, you will be at very least satisfied, maybe even slightly enjoy yourself. 3 / 5 Stars!

NOTE: Here’s how my rating system works, 0 – worthless, 1 – really sucks, 2 – below average, 3 – average, 4 – above average, 5 – perfect.

Da Ali G Show Season 1: Reviewed

Yo check it, this is a terrific show on HBO, starring Sacha Cohen, an over-the-top British comedian. It’s been on the air for about five years, and despite it’s hilarity, HBO has never really pushed or heavily promoted the show.

Here’s the jist; the show consists of three different characters (all portrayed by Sacha). Ali G, the main character, is a clueless British gangster. Ali G’s trademark has to be his disgusting attire, the gaudy gold necklace, dew-rag, yellow running suit or matching basketball jersey and shorts, sunglasses, and huge gold rings on every finger. He uses his character’s mindlessness to annoy and confuse his interviewees into saying the stupidest things. Newt Gingrich, Buzz Aldrin, Donald Trump, James Lipton, Andy Rooney (the best interview ever!) and many other famous peeps have been stupefied by his ignorant yet extremely entertaining and witty commentary. A womanizer, occasional weed smoker, and extreme homophobe, he’s everything you would expect of a British bellend.

Bruno, the gay German fashion correspondent, is probably the least funny of the three, which is still saying a lot. His role in the show is to explore the superficiality and vanity of Americans. Bruno definitely looks the part, his highlighted Mohawk and tight designer shirts and jeans are absolutely fabulous. While Bruno doesn’t ever interview any A-list celebrities, he interviews plenty of A-list imitators and supporters such as aspiring fashion designers, club owners, stylists, runway models, and Hollywood critics. Basically, he exposes how phony and outlandish the “new money” upper-classers can be.

The other character is known as “Borat” (pictured above), the Khazigstani reporter. Sporting a mustache that would make even Underwood wince with jealousy, a puffy Ishtar-like fro complete with mild upper-forehead-balding, and a horrible suit that hasn’t been washed in five years, Borat travels America in search of the most racist, prejudice, and backwater folks. Somehow he gets interviews with these idiots, and has even suckered one poor sap that was running for office to admit that he believes all Jews are going to Hell because they don’t believe in Jesus. In my opinion, his most entertaining segment has to be where he goes to a hole-in-the-wall southern karaoke bar, and sings a song he wrote called “In My Country There Is Problem”.

It should be noted that though Sacha pokes fun at Jews a lot, I’m pretty sure he’s Jewish himself. The real comedy in Da Ali G Show is the reaction of his interviewees and crowds, his ability to manipulate and twist their responses into something totally different from what was intended and watch them try to worm their way out of it.

As I said, this is an excellent show, but the episodes only average 30 minutes. On HBO there is so much more expected, it seems like a waste to have a series that is less than an hour per episode. Overall, it is hilarious and entertaining, and I guess that’s all that matters. My review; 3.75/5.00 Stars!

Futurama News!

It has been rumored for more than two years, but now it seems pretty much confirmed; Futurama is back!

The only question that remains is, in what capacity? It will either be brought back as a TV series, or as a movie, the later of the two being the more likely choice. If it is revived as a movie, it will probably be a straight-to-DVD release, and most likely a three-episode format, just like the Family Guy movie.

The Futurama project has a tentative release date of sometime in 2007, with very few other details available. All the major voices (Bender, Leela, Fry, and Zoidberg) are apparently committed to the project, but all you really need is Billy West, who has apparently done every cartoon voice ever.

Oz Season 1 Reviewed

The first HBO original series, which debuted in 1997, set in a maximum-security prison, follows the inmates of Emerald City, an experimental cell block that is designed to rehabilitate prisoners and prepare them for a healthy and productive life after their sentence is served.

This show has everything you would expect of a real prison; drug (aka tits) trafficking, guard corruption, murder, aryans, muslims, jews, athletes, blacks, whites, italians, and lots of fags and gay raping. The inmates of Em City are there for crimes ranging from selling drugs to murder, and are serving sentences ranging from a few months to many consecutive life terms without the possibility of parole. From cop killers to cannibals, this show has everything.

What makes the show especially interesting is that it’s narrated by a black wheelchair-bound inmate. This unique prospective from someone that is an Em city veteran as well as being handicapped provides the audience with a point of view that you normally wouldn’t think about.

In my opinion, the most interesting storyline of the first season revolves around a new inmate named Tobias Beecher, a middle class middle-aged white guy with the worst luck in the world. He would up in Em City because he got drunk and drove into a little girl riding a bike. Watching him adapt to prison life and getting pushed around is easily the most entertaining sub-plot of the show.

I would say more about the other storylines, but for those that haven’t already seen it I don’t want to spoil the entire season. If you can get past the very frequent male nudity, this show is excellent. There are subtle religious and social undertones that parallel aspects of life outside the walls of Oswald Maximum Security Correctional Facility. The beginning of an empire for HBO and their original series’, and a terrific show with great acting, writing, and direction. Definitely check out season 1 of Oz. My rating, 4.5 / 5 stars!

Sirius Radio: The Case For and Against

Inspired by Fitz’s recent article about Stern moving to Sirius, here’s a point by point argument for if satellite radio is worth it, or not.

1: Commercial Free – Although Stern has admitted that he will have a few commercials, just so he can have time to set up segments, every other satellite radio channel is commercial free. Worth the cost of $13 a month, maybe.

2: The Talent – For the housewives, Martha Stewart. For the rest of us, Stern and his sidekicks. I do agree with Fitz in that Artie is the best part of the Stern show. I don’t think, however, that Artie will leave the Stern Sirius show. His Hollywood career pretty much reads like the obituaries, and I don’t think many other opportunities will present themselves for Artie. And that’s not a bad thing, because he’s great on Stern’s show. Is the talent worth the monthly subscription, probably not.

3: The Channels – Over 120 channels of any kind of music you would care to listen to; pop, rap, rock, christian, jazz, blues, classical and more. Also, sports, news, live performances, talk, traffic, weather, even religion and family programming. Worth the monthly subscription, probably.

4: The Hardware – The bad news is you have to buy the receiver. The good news is that all the receivers have built-in FM transmitters, which means you can take the receiver between your car and home stereo, and if you have a media center computer you can record the FM transmittions of Sirius broadcasts. Also, some of the receivers have internal memory, so you can record up to 44 minutes, rewind and fastforward the live broadcasts from the receiver. Also, there’s a special sport receiver that delivers scores for any college or professional sport to the display on the receiver. Is the receiver worth the money, definitely maybe.

5: The Monthly Subscription – This is what it all comes down to. Though the first three aren’t deal makers or breakers by themselves, when you take them all into account it’s a pretty sweet package. Is it worth the money, in my opinion, yes. There are a few plans in addition to the $13 monthly subscription. There is a 1 year plan for $143 (1 month free), 2 year plan for $272 (3 months free), and a lifetime plan for $500 (lifetime of 4 receivers, not your entire lifetime).

I hate to make this seem like an ad for Sirius, but in my opinion Sirius is worth it. Even without Stern and his sidekicks, you still have tons of content at your disposal whether you’re in the car, at home, at work, or anywhere else.

I stayed away from the cable TV analogy because at this point it’s cliché and isn’t really even valid. People are more comfortable paying for something they can see, as opposed to something they are just going to listen to. If you’re still not sure if you’re ready to take the Sirius plunge, check out their site for a free online trial (no credit card required).

Adam Sandler: The Definitive Review

The following are all the movies and projects that involve Adam Sandler in some way, be it acting, directing, producing, or writing. I will only review movies and projects that I have seen. All ratings are out of 5 stars, 5 being a perfectly entertaining and funny movie with a good story and good acting, and 0 being 90 minutes of a jar of mayonnaise.

The Longest Yard – Despite the abundance of big names, this is a pretty decent flick. Set in a southern prison, Adam Sandler plays the unlikely ex-football player that leads the inmates in an Inmate vs. Guard football game. The only real bad part of this movie that sticks out in my memory is Stone Cold as the asshole racist cop that loves to use “the N word” like it’s going out of style. It doesn’t add to the story, it’s just disturbing and out of place. Despite other flaws, 3 / 5

50 First Dates – A decent Sandler/Barrymore movie, the hook being Barrymore as the girl who can’t make new memories ever since a car accident, so Sandler has to find a wacky, creative way to meet and woo her every day. The walrus in this movie is hilarious. Not the over-the-top vomit scene, just the fact that there’s a walrus in the movie. 3.5 / 5 Stars.

Anger Management – Sandler, after an accidental fight with a stewardess, is ordered to undergo radical 24 hour therapy with a famous psychologist, Jack Nickolson. Classic Jack, and everything you would expect from Sandler. 3.5 / 5 Stars.

Eight Crazy Nights – Cartoon about a humbug Sandler trapped in a small town during the winter holiday season. Don’t bother with this one, just watch grass grow or Fitz eat a taco. 0.5 / 5 Stars.

Mr. Deeds – Sandler is a small town pizza chef, and finds out that his rich uncle has died and inherits all his riches and companies. When he comes to New York to claim his billions, he soon finds out that there’s no staying out of the public eye. John Turturro is very entertaining, and his performance alone is worth watching Deeds. 3 / 5 Stars.

Little Nicky – As the son of Satan, Sandler tries to stop his other two brothers from turning Earth into another Hell. Special appearance by Bubbs. Pretty funny, but I would have to kill myself if I didn’t give this movie 1.5 / 5 Stars.

Big Daddy – Undoubtedly Sandler’s best movie. An out-of-work lawyer, Sandler illegitimately adopts a child to impress his girlfriend, just in time to learn she’s boning a grandpa. There’s nothing I can say that will do justice to this movie, if you haven’t seen it, or haven’t seen it in a while then get to a video store or head to Netflix.com and get it. 5 / 5 Stars!

The Waterboy – Another sports movie, starring Sandler as the southern hick that is waterboy for State University’s football team. Sandler realizes his potential as a football player, and against his mom’s wishes, plays the football. Go ahead and waste your time unless you have a real movie you want to watch, 2 / 5 Stars.

The Wedding Singer – The other Sandler/Barrymore flick, this time taking place in the eighties. Barrymore is engaged to some prick, and Sandler falls in love with her. All around, a very good situational comedy. 4 / 5 Stars

Bulletproof – Co-starring Damon Wayans, felon Sandler gets arrested, and he and Damon have to run from the drug lord that Sandler worked for. This movie is one of the worst movies possibly of all time and maybe even the world. 0.5 / 5 Stars

Happy Gilmore – The hockey wanna-be turned golfer, Sandler plays the PGA tour so he can earn money to buy back his grandmother’s house. Chris McDonals is the perfect villain, playing Shooter. 4 / 5 Stars

Billy Madison – The heir to the Madison hotel chain, Billy slothfully lives out his life getting boozed up with his friends until one day, to prove to his father he’s not totally worthless, Billy goes back to every grade of primary education. Classic. 4 / 5 Stars.

Airheads – Very dated, not funny, Sandler plays a band member that hijacks a radio station to get their song played on the air. 0 / 5 Stars.

There are some other movies of note that I haven’t seen, such as Spanglish, Punch-Drunk-Love, and Going Overboard. All of these are horrible, I’m told. He has also been involved in some other decent stuff, like both Deuce Biggilos and a couple David Spade movies and comedy specials (not Take The Hit). Overall, Sandler has been in more decent movies than bad ones.