Horri-Bill Awards: Round 1 - Worst Actor and Actress

Worst Actor Nominations:

Tom Cruise: Nominated not just because he is a terrible actor, but because he is so overrated and continues to make crap, and obviously because of his ridiculous comments made on modern-day medical techniques, his stupid religion, and his actions on daytime TV. I have also been instructed to end his worthless life should he mess up one more time. So watch your back, hippie, because you never know when I could get that call.

Ice Cube: Known for his great roles in “xXx State of the Union”, “Torque”, “Barbershop”, “Ghosts of Mars”, and “Anaconda”. There’s no other way to explain how I feel about Cube’s movies than this - they give me explosive diarrhea. Cube, you need to get away from the camera and back behind the mic.

Winner of Worst Actor: Tom Cruise makes me nauseous, and question if there is indeed a God, but there’s nothing worse than having an extreme case of liquid poo. Ice Cube, you win, but we all loose.

Worst Actress:

Katie Holmes: Guilt by association. If some dumb Hollywood bimbo sleeps with Tom Cruise for long enough, she’s going to start believing his propaganda. She’s been brainwashed and is now considered dead to me. But I’d still do her (unless she was legally dead, then I wouldn’t).

Due to a lack of other nominations, the only nominee and winner of Worst Actress is Katie Holmes! Maybe Cruise and Holmes will do some cute “I Love You” movie together to help pay for their wedding, or maybe they’ll break up long before they get a chance to divorce eachother. Either way, it’s sure to be entertaining.

Check back soon for another round of the Horri-Bill Awards, bitches!

HOLY SHIT!

Howard Stern Fired

I wake up every day at 6:00AM and expect the Stern show to be playing, amusing me as I get ready for work. What do I hear instead - some disclaimer saying that Howard Stern, the original shock jock, the king of the radio, has been terminated, and David Lee Roth, “the new Jew”, is replacing him as of today.

And after listening to only 15 minutes of Roth’s new show, let me be the first to blog that it is absolutely worthless. This guy is about as entertaining as a wet stuffed animal.

I’m not necessarily a Stern fan; he generally doesn’t know what he’s talking about and can be very bitchy. But the guy gets stupid girls to strip down to their birthday suits in order to get money for titty implants, and so many more incredible things that if I were to try I know I’d get arrested.

Also, without a doubt, Artie is the funniest person on the show and was the reason I started listening and tuned in almost daily.

Stern’s move to Sirius satellite radio has been hyped for well over either months now, and though he will definitely take some time off before starting his new job I’m sure the show will be the same good old show.

Sony vs. Apple

Sony has finally re-entered the market of personal music players for the first time since 1979. Back then, the “Walkman” revolutionized how people listened to music utilizing the audio cassette.

The new Walkman has overtaken Apple’s iPod in Japan for two months in a row, making it the most popular portable music player in the biggest market in the world. However, the only advantage Sony has in Japan that it doesn’t have in the US is that iTunes doesn’t exist in Japan, as it does in Europe and the US.

Apple’s popular iPod has the capability to play downloaded songs from the popular iTunes service, mp3s, and other popular audio formats, as well as the capability to be broadcast over short range FM transmission to either your car or home stereo, or to your blog so other dorks can hear your songs.

Assuming Sony will include the same features for the new Walkmanas Apple does with it’s iPod, with the obvious exception of iTunes compatibility, the question is raised; which portable music player will come out on top, or will there even be a significant impact with the introduction of Sony’s new Walkman at all?

My prediction is that with the popular Sony brand name, as with any other Sony brand name product, the new Walkman digital music player will be overpriced, yet comparable to Apple’s iPod. As overpriced as it may be, Sony will most likely offer incentives to switch from the iPod to the new Walkman, rumored to have it’s own digital download service by the time of a US release (likely to be either Sony based or some other popular service, such as Napster). Mail-in-rebates, free websites (ala freeiPod.com) and subliminal three pronged advertising (subliminal, liminal, and super-liminal) are sure to play a part in Sony’s marketing campaign as it gears up for it’s new era.

PS - Submit entries for the HB Awards or it will surely be a boring contest.

Tom Cruise; Walkin a Thin Line OR I’m Back.

I’m sure everyone is aware of Tommie’s recent hijinx. I’m also sure everyone’s aware of how big a doosh Tommie is. And if you check Fitz’s site, then you’re also aware that if he makes one more slip up, I have an official contract out to kill Tom Cruise. So I’m going to take this opportunity to write my manifesto on good ol’ Tom Cruise.

Listen up, chief, because these may very well be the last words you ever read. Girls say that you’re so cute and hot (nhjic), but after seeing you without a shirt on in one of your crapshit movies, I would compare you to a topless Ishtar.

You’re an overactor, and you take too long to deliver your lines (which is more the director’s and editor’s and writer’s fault than your’s) but I still blame you. Sure you’ve had a few good movies (Collateral, Vanilla Sky, Minority Report, and Magnolia most notably), but the vast majority of your movies have all been the same. You play some rich boy, magazine editor, karate expert bad ass, fighter pilot, sports agent good-guy with nothing to loose until everthing is taken from you. That’s not acting, that’s PLAYING. James Gandolfini in “The Mexican” as a gay hitman, now that’s acting!

I saw that “Inside the Actor’s Studio” with host James Lipton, where you claimed to be so hands on with your every role in every movie from “Top Gun” to “Out of the Closet”, due out sometime next year, where you play some gayfag with aids (not really acting?). You spend months perfecting how your character would act and what he would say, even when you were a nobody. Guess what, genius, you have no right to claim any success for your interpretation of your characters in your movies, because they aren’t created by you; they are created by writers and studio execs. You’re just the face-man, and are as talentless as a blind-deaf prostitute.

You’re not a famous Hollywood hotshot because you’re good, you’re famous because you have been famous for a while and you haven’t done anything incredibly stupid yet. As I said, one more misstep and your life is mine. Keep your $600 an hour hair dresser, and your $500 an hour therapist (if you believe in it) and eff off. In a few years you’ll be forgotten and someone like Bam Margera or The Rock will replace you, and you’ll be in some mental hospital, or in rehab, or hiding in Europe.

The point is, regardless of who kills you or when your life ends or where you hide, you’re still going to be a horri-bill person and a terrible actor.

Speaking of Horri-Bill, I’ve decided to resurrect the HB Awards and turn them into a twice a year event. Send your submissions for actor, actress, movie, and any other category you can think of. Post them here, and Tom Cruise, go to Hell.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force Review

Overview: You’ll either love or hate this show. It’s a Cartoon Network original series based in New Jersey. There are four main characters; Shake – a pistachio milk shake with an attitude, Meatwad – a meatball with no brain, Frylock – a large order of fries and the straight-man of the group (n/h), and Carl – the greasy, overweight, balding, middle-aged Italian landlord.

I would compare this show to Family guy, only with less concern for the plot, and with almost exclusively non-human characters, which allows it to be more ridiculous. Also adding to the show’s personality is the episodes only lasting for around 12 minutes. This allows the show to tackle twice as many important issues, such as shoplifting, vandalism, grand theft auto, alcohol abuse, and many others.

Among the all the episodes, I would have to rank the following three as three of the best:

1. Frat Aliens
After Carl installs a laser grid security system to keep the Aqua Teens from using his pool, frat aliens decide to crash the party. That’s all.

2. The Cubing
A multi-colored cube appears in the Aqua Teen’s front lawn, and claims to be the “Wisdom Cube”, the wisest being in the universe. The cube does little to bestow his limitless wisdom onto the Aqua Teens, and instead tells useless stories. “This one time I ate boiled peanuts…” I think we all know of at least one person like that.

3. Universal Remonster
After traveling eons across both space and time, two aliens use a stargate-like device called the “fargate” to get free cable from the Aqua Teens. The aliens don’t like what’s on TV, so they use the Universal Remonster (a teddy bear with remote controls for arms and legs) to change the channel.

Like I said, you’ll either love or hate this show. It’s on Cartoon Network weekdays from 11.00 – 11.30 central.

The Slut Tournament

Here’s the jist; the next time you and a few of your friends are bored, take out a piece of paper and pen, and make a list of friends (men and women), famous people, and fictitious characters. Then, hold a single-elimination bracket style tournament as to who would be the sluttiest, or bitchiest, or the biggest asshole, etc.

I’ll be holding a Slut Tournament, post your entries in the comments section.

Entry #1 - Jessica Simpson

Episode III

I don’t need to say that I enjoyed the movie, because everyone that matters is going to see it anyway. I don’t need to say how great the special effects, plot, and story telling were either. Here’s what needs to be said, and it’s not a rehash of what twenty million other Star Wars blogger’s have said.

The Star Wars universe has nowhere else to go. Everything has been explained, and once all the Star Wars fans realize that, they will be very disappointed. The mythology surrounding the Star Wars empire is all tapped out, unless George Lucas decides to make another prequel trilogy, or perhaps a 7 8 9 trilogy. Either is very unlikely, since GL is rich off his fat ass and he and his family of fat ass adopted daughters could easily live off just the royalties for the rest of their lives. He won’t sell the rights to anyone to make the movies for him, because as I just stated, he has enough money to choke Donald Trump.

Truthfully, I would be perfectly happy with the Star Wars story staying just the way it is, with six episodes. Anything additional to the saga would seem almost forced.

That being said, both the Star Wars trilogies are arguably two of the better movie trilogies. Coming up soon, a list of the best trilogies of all time.

The Drop

This will probably be the last posting I do about LA. While I was living in the leaking shipwreck called “the Theta Xi house”, I lived next to a guy that was in a band called “The Drop”. I went to see a couple of his band’s live shows, and these guys are absolutely boss!

As everyone knows, the music industry has been on a steady decline ever since the late nineties. With the emergence of emo, scream-o, and fake punk, a lot of people have been turned off to new music and new bands. So where does the music industry have to go now? Simple, back when it was most recently the greatest.

“The Drop” is a very 90’s-esk band, however, they’re unlike any other band I have heard from the 90’s, so it’s hard to describe them. It’s a distinct style that sticks out from the same old run-of-the-mill crap that you hear on the radio now-a-days. The guitar solos rock like early rock n’ roll, the vocals are fresh, and drums, base, and everything else are just plain awesome.

I admit it, I’m biased because I know one of the guys in the band and talked to him through the paper-thin wall just about every day Office-Space-style, but simply put, this band totally rocks. If you’re in the LA area, check out The Drop live if you get the chance. If you’re not in the LA area, check out their website. There are only 3 songs on their site, and two of them don't really fit the description I just gave in this article, but check it out, it's worth it in my opinion. If there is a downside to this band, it is they don't play "Something For Nothing" nearly enough.

Sony vs. Toshiba Update

The battle between Sony and Toshiba may finally be coming to an end. According to RedHerring.com, the companies are discussing a common standard, basically either Blu-Ray, HD, or some totally new technology.

That being said, Sony has the most to loose by compromising their Blu-Ray technology. Regardless of the outcome of the negotiations, Sony’s next generation game consol will utilize their Blu-Ray discs. If that’s the only item on the market that uses Blu-Ray, then Sony is missing out on a lot of royalties. Sony will have to bear the financial burden of introducing a new console with a new disc format that no one else uses, which means the games and console could cost more.

However, if Toshiba compromises their HD disc technology, they will be missing out on all the royalties as well. Both companies have sunk an incredible amount of money into their respective technologies for the past three years, which pretty much rules out a new format. I see this ending in Sony or Toshiba purchasing the other company’s technology so they can either use it as their own, or scrap it so they can use their original technology.

The only downside to this news is that if a totally new format is created, it could set back the debut of the new technology by as much as a year-and-a-half. If the Blu-Ray format is picked, it means more storage space and a new era in disc storage. If HD is picked, it means minimal assembly-line updates and more profit for the disc manufacturers. If something totally different is picked, everyone is effed.

Finally, a New Post!

I’m back, and with big news – some good, mostly bad.

Good news - there is a new Transformers movie in the works! Do you remember Transformers growing up? The cartoons, the action figures, even the comic books? Ah, there were very few shows that rivaled the greatness of this hit cartoon series. I’m sure we all recall the two factions of the Transformers; the AutoBots (good guys, led by Optimus Prime) and the Decepticons (bad guys, led by Megatron). Unfortunately, that's where the happy memories stop.

The bad news – it’s going to be a live-action film, and it will be directed by Michael Bay (who directed Pearl Harbor and Bad Boys 1 and 2, and produced The (new) Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and the Amityville Horror). Bay is also slated to produce the untitled prequel to his remake of the classic horror flick Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

Normally I don’t rag on directors or producers that make shitty movies, because sometimes they just don’t have any other options. If a studio comes to you and offers you a movie, you have two choices: do it, or don’t eat for a year. But when someone such as Bay does nothing but crap movies for the last ten years (with the exception of Armageddon, and possibly The Rock), but they have all been a financial success, that’s where I draw the line. If this guy wanted to, I’m sure he could pick and choose the movies he makes. This leads me to believe that he is the epitome of a Hollywood whore, willing to do anything to make an easy $10 mil, and has really poor taste.

Here’s my solution: instead of paying eight-fifty to see this ninety-minute travesty, two years from now, when this monstrosity hits the big-screen, I’ll watch the original Transformers Movie. It’ll be a big party, and you’re all invited.

Sin City Review

Generally, when I see a movie’s trailer or TV spot that makes the movie seem awesome, and it is by a great director, and it has a crap load of big name actors involved, I naturally conclude that it can’t be nearly as good as the preview makes it out to be. Shame on me.

This movie was based on several graphic novels (written by Frank Miller), not a comic. Graphic novels don’t have to abide by the same regulations of decency, violence, adult language and sexual situations that comics have to. That being said, there is a lot of violence in this movie, a plethora of boobs, lots of foul language, a gang of hookers (literally), and enough indecent behavior to choke the FCC.

The visual style of Sin city (largely black and white) exactly matches the gully tone of the books written by Miller. This was something Rodriguez, who co-directed, co-wrote, co-produced, scored and shot the flick, wanted to preserve above all else.

Normally, focusing largely on the cinematography would compromise other aspects of the movie. Not the case with Sin City. The acting was top-notch, the writing was excellent, and outstanding direction by Rodriguez as always.

Bruce Willis plays Hardigan, the about-to-retire cop. Jessica Alba plays Nancy, the stripper. Mickey Rourke plays Marv, the trench-coat-wearing badass viginate. Elijah Wood plays the psycho ninja-like killer. Normally, I would give a more in depth synopsis, but I can’t come anywhere near doing the movie justice. Just see the movie, you’ll thank yourself ten minutes into the film.

Sin City earned $28.1 million last weekend, it’s opening weekend, making it the top grossing movie. Coming in second was Beauty Shop with $13.5 mil, and Guess Who took third with $13 mil.

For more on Sin City, read this article from CNN.com. CNN’s article is really terrific and makes me appreciate Sin City that much more. Even if you don’t go see Sin City, still read the article.

Why I Love the OC: Part 2

Like any other city in America, no matter where you go in LA you’ll see fast food restaurants everywhere. One restaurant, which is unique to the west coast, stands out from the rest. In-N-Out is possibly the greatest place for a burger, let alone the greatest thing ever. It is delicious and delectable. Eat at In-N-out as often as possible all the time. Your cardiologist will hate you, but you’ll be happy.

Another reason to love LA is the weather. I know I have ragged on the shitty, rainy weather, but the truth is that it’s sunny 99% of the time. From December to April, this is one of the best cities you could be in, as far as weather goes. The other day, I saw a kiddie pool filled with sorostitues in bikinis. Any given city in the Midwest, girls are still wearing jeans and not even thinking about putting on a bikini until they shave their legs for the first time since October.

I couldn’t mention LA without mentioning all the great tourist traps. Disneyland is one of the most popular attractions in the country. It’s not just a place for honeymooners and little kids, this place really is great. There’s a Star Wars “ride”, which is more of five minutes movie starring R2D2 and some stupid new robot, but it’s still alright. And of course, no visit to Disneyland would be complete without visiting It’s A Small World. The self-proclaimed happiest place on Earth is definitely worth checking out. Also, let me know if you know anyone that can get me into Club 33.

Hollywood is the most shallow, fake, superficial city in the world, which is why I like it so much. Just chillin in Hollywood is like you’re watching the most interesting reality TV show. Sit down at a restaurant and watch an agent get into an argument with his mistress over his cell. Walk down the street and listen to the two sluts behind you comment on how real their fake tits look. It's so fun to watch rich people be naughty!

Lastly, and most certainly not least, LA has a beach. I really don’t feel the need to elaborate any more on that subject. Beaches are good, and there are no beaches in Missouri. And Osage and the Lake do not count.

Yo, that’s all for now. I’m working on some pretty boring, nerdy updates so check back soon for that.

Why I Love the OC: Part 1 - The Bars

The bars here are terrific. One of the bars, called The Goat, is comparable to St. Louis’ Growlers. This place had about 130 beers on tap, and isn’t your typical LA bar. It’s not impossible to find, there are plenty of spaces in the parking lot (a rarity), and it’s not crowded in a shoulder-to-shoulder sense. Name aside, it's a great bar.

I couldn’t mention the greatest bars in LA without mentioning The 9-0. This place is the most popular bar on campus, and is only a couple hundred yards away from my front door. It’s only open Monday – Thursday, but that’s where all the sorostitutes go during the week, and if you stay there until closing time, you’re pretty much getting laid. With “2-4-1” deals before 10:00PM, you can’t afford NOT to go at least once a week.

This last bar sounds like teh ghey , but it’s really not. Bar Copa is located on Main in Santa Monica, and is one of those secret bars that doesn’t need to advertise that it exists. The only hint that there is a bar there is the bouncer sitting on a bar stool outside the front door. The entire front of the bar is black with no writing, so it looks like a closed up storefront. When you get inside, it’s very dark with nothing but a few candles lighting the closet-sized bar. It has the feel of a 70’s coke-bar, only without the disco music. I went there for St. Patrick’s Day, so there were lots of great drink specials and tramps. I normally don’t like bars that get huge crowds, but this one was still awesome.

Just for Sean, I’ll try to get some sorostitutes to pose for the site. Check back soon for more on why I love the OC!

Why I Hate the OC

It’s raining heavily again, and that means a sinking house and bitchin’ Subway deals. This city is just one disappointment after another.

Take for instance Venice Beach. I went there last week on Spring Break and there were absolutely zero hot sluts in thongs or g-strings. Granted it was a weekday, and it’s apparently better on the weekends, but there’s no reason I shouldn’t have seen at least one attractive female with her ass hanging out during SPRING BREAK.

My overall impression of the city can be summed up by my first day here. I was walking around campus, and some dude tried selling me speakers out of the back of his Chester van, then some other guy tried selling me watches while waiting for my food in Jack In The Box.

Onto music. The majority of people here listen to fake punk, and only fake punk. I wouldn’t be bothered by it so much, but for some reason people mistake this for good music. Wake up LA, just because it’s new doesn’t mean it’s good. There’s a guy that lives in my house that listens to nothing but Greenday all the time. He sings AND drums along with every single song. And he sucks at it. Also, he smokes out every night and is about as smart as a fucking stoned ass monkey. Guess what position he holds in the fraternity? I won’t say, but it’s about as obvious as you would think.

I wouldn’t tolerate this town if it weren’t for living right next to 3 different sororities, and seeing all the hot sorostitutes tanning and wearing slutty outfits all the time.

That’s all for now, check back soon for why I love the OC.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Ask any Irish person what St. Patrick’s day is about, and they’ll tell you that it’s about drinking and fighting. Nevermind the legends of the man that chased all the snakes out of Ireland with some magic stick, all the while sporting a green top-hat with a four leaf clover in one pocket and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

This is a day when people of all races, religions, and colors can come together to drink and fight, all in the name of some stupid leprechaun. I’m down with any holiday where it is perfectly acceptable to pinch some slut’s ass because she’s not wearing a certain color. I’m down with drinking green beer. I’m down with going to a parade in the early ass morning, and already being intoxicated.

The greatest thing about St. Patrick’s Day is you don’t even have to be Irish to celebrate it! Just grab a green beer, drink up, and enjoy the day. But it doesn’t have to stop there, the true spirit of St. Patrick’s Day can be observed every day of the year. So cheers to St. Patrick’s Day, drunkenness, the designated driver, and acute liver failure by the age of 30.

Deadwood Season 1 Review

Since Byron did a recent post on the original HBO series “Deadwood”, I thought I would review the first season.

The series is based on real people and uses creative liberties as little as possible. Deadwood was a real city, and a lot of the storylines really did occur. The first season is great, if for no other reason, because you can notice the change in Deadwood from the first episode to the last. Through an outbreak of smallpox, countless killings and assassinations, and plenty of whiskey drinking and poker playing comes a self government, complete with fire marshal, health inspector, and yes, even sheriff and mayor. However, the town is just as corrupt as it’s faux government.

Here’s a rundown of the main characters:


Wild Bill (an ex-law man and expert gunman)
His traveling companion Calamity Jane (a drunken nurse)
Seth Bullock (another ex-law man, hardware store owner, and new friend of WB)
Al Swearengen (owner of the Gem Saloon and whore house, and unofficial leader of Deadwood)
E.B. Farnum (the right-hand-man of Al and hotel owner)
Trixie (Al’s main whore)
Cy Tolliver (rival bar, casino, and brothel owner)
Joannie Stubbs, (Cy’s main whore)
Doc Cochran (who is about as qualified to be a doctor as I am. He mainly supplies Al and his whore house with lube and weekly check-ups).
Alma Garrett (widow that owns a boss gold claim)

Al Swearengen is easily the most likable character of the series, played by Ian (right), who won a Golden Globe for his outstanding portrayal of the dope, pussy, and whiskey-selling kingpin. Providing miners with alcohol, cunt, and drugs is what Al does best, and anyone that gets in his way ends up in a cheap wood box. He is so likable because though he orders the killing of what may seem to be innocent people, he convinces the audience that they all deserve what they get.

Another notable character is Wild Bill Hickok. WB is able to see trouble with 20/20 vision and gun down any fools stupid enough to mess with him, even before they have a chance to pull their gun from their holster. The best way to describe his personality is exactly like Al, only he isn’t concerned about money or pussy, just poker and getting drunk. One of the earlier episodes had a great scene where some random guy was mouthing off to WB, so WB called him a cunt more times than I could count. I can’t properly articulate how awesome the scene is; you just have to watch it.

Though season 1 DVD has no rating, it deserves M for mature, due to the countless “cock-sucker”, “mother-fucker” and “cunt” references.

I’ll give this season of Deadwood 4 / 5 Stars. The only reason it doesn’t get 5 is because at times it’s tough to translate the dialogue through all the cunts and mother fuckers and cock-suckers, and sometimes it moves a little fast. Or maybe I’m just a little slow. Either way, excellent show!

Top 10 Movies of the Weekend

Somebody please help me understand what the f is going on. “The Pacifier”, starring Vin Diesel grossed over $30 million this past weekend, which is a pretty impressive opening for a movie starring a homosexual male playing an FBI agent on a babysitting assignment.

The number two movie of the weekend was “Be Cool”, earning $23.5 million, staring John Travolta, Uma Thurman, Vince Vaughn, Duane “The Rock” Johnson, and Danny DeVito. I did hear, however, that the only redeeming quality of this movie came from The Rock’s performance, but I can’t fathom a world where this movie deserves to be second in any way to “The Pacifier”.

That shitty Will Smith movie, “Hitch”, is still hanging in there with $12.5 million for the weekend, taking the number 3 spot. Here’s the rest of the top 10 list, according to CNN.com

4. “Dairy of a Mad Black Woman” – $12 million
5. “Million Dollar Baby” – $8.5 million
6. “Constantine” - $6.0 million
7. “Cursed” – $3.9 million
8. “Man of the House” - $3.5 million
9. “Because of Winn-Dixie” – $3.5 million
10. “The Jacket” - $2.7 million

I will note that it is a shame and disgrace that “Million Dollar Baby”, the supposed Best Film of the Year, is earning less than one third of some shitty Vin Diesel flick. If I were Clint, I would pull that movie from the theaters out of embarrassment.

Also, has anyone seen “Constantine”? I don’t really want to go see it, but will probably rent it when it’s on DVD. I just want someone that has seen it to confirm that is in fact not a good movie.

Fox Sweeps the Sweeps

Every three months, national TV networks have what they call "sweeps", which last an entire month, to determine local advertising rates for the next quarter. This is the time when new seasons begin and old seasons end, and big plot twists occur in order to inflate ratings.

This past February marked the first time that the Fox network was ranked #1 among the national TV networks. The Super Bowl, American Idol, 24, and House are just some of the hit shows that Fox has to offer the target demographic of 18 - 49 year olds. However, if you take away the Super Bowl broadcast, Fox would have finished third.

NBC, which was once a #1 network, is now fourth. Thursday night, which NBC once monopolized, is down 15% compared to February 2004. Taking away the Grammies, Academy Awards, and Super Bowl, NBC would have finished second.

I will now rate the top shows that dominated the sweeps.

Academy Awards: ABC - 42.1 million viewers. The AAs are great, not because movies and actors are recognized for their greatness, but because celebrities say stupid things and dress slutty and fall out of their tops. I could really give less than 2 shits about who wins an Oscar, for me it's all about watching famous people giving speeches while totally inebriated, and it's fun watching rich people being naughty. 4/5 Stars.

24: Fox - Not in the top 10. 24 is a great show. Though commonly referred to as an evening soap opera, a more accurate genera description would be a comic book style drama. Jack Bauer is an agent for the Counter Terrorist Unit based out of Los Angeles. The events of the show occur in real time. I have never actually seen the show on TV, but I really enjoy it on DVD, because I can watch like half the season back to back. 4/5 Stars.

American Idol: Fox - average of 26.2 million viewers / episode. This waste of air time, hour-long abortion of a show should have never happened. What ever happened to EARNING a recording contract, and paying your dues by being a starving artist? Literally, only eating once a week and drinking gutter water until that fateful day when the talent scout sipping his $6 Starbucks and checking his stocks on his cell phone decides that the long haired cover artist screeching "Come Sail Away" deserves a seventeen record contract. 1/5 Stars.

Super Bowl: Fox - 86.1 million viewers. The game this year wasn't so good, but the commercials were alright. The half time show was definitely boss. I have a feeling the Fox executives were thinking, "Let's just have Paul McCartney play for 20 minutes, and it will be fucking great. No special appearances by Eminem or Britany Spears, just classic Paul." And yeah, that's right, I said the half time show was boss. 3.5/5 Stars just because the half time show was boss.

WrestleMania 21 Matches and Predictions

Those of you who follow WWE most likely already know the matches announced for WrestleMania, which is the Super Bowl of wrestling, and those of you who don't follow it won't care, but I'm going over the matches announced thus far anyway.

HHH (World Heavyweight Champion) vs. Batista

This is big because there's the possibly that HHH will be doing the job (loosing cleanly) in back-to-back WrestleManias. Last year, Chris Benoit defeated him in the main event for his first ever Heavyweight title reign. If HHH does indeed go down (no homo) it would be huge (no homo again). My money's going on the Batista Man.

JBL (WWE Champ) vs. John Cena

I am looking forward to this match solely because it would put an end to a title reign that should have never happened in my and many other wrestling fan's opinion. JBL had no heat when he got the title; no personality, or charisma, and he wasn't even that great of a wrestler. Though I feel that he didn't deserve the title when it was given to him, I feel he has earned it since then, but that's no way to make a champion. Just leave the belt on him long enough, people will get use to the idea as he gets better. Lame. I am confident that Cena will leave with the gold. Cena's star is rising, and to not put the title on him would just be holding him back.

Kurt Angle vs HBK

This match definitely has "match of the year" potential. HBK is just phenomenal, and I feel he and Angle could have a match that rivals the Iron Man Match between HBK and Bret Hart. As a matter of fact, why not make it an Iron Man Match? Who do I pick to win? Who cares, the match will be awsome and the outcome really doesn't matter as long as the match meets my expectations.

The only not-a-match segment confirmed for the show is Stone Cold's return in an interview with "Rowdy" Roddy Piper. Stone Cold recently held a press conference with Vince McMahon and announced that WWE would be starting a film company, and Stone Cold has a 3 movie contract. I really don't think anyone should care about the interview at WM21, for one because his appearance isn't in a wrestling capacity. The other reason is that instead of having Stone Cold spout off his tired catch phrases for 10 minutes, there could instead be a wrestling match, which is why people watch WrestleMania.

No other matches are set, but Chris Jericho announced this past Monday on RAW that he is putting together a Ladder match with 5 other RAW superstars. Possible participants include Chris Benoit, Christian, Edge, Kane, and Ric Flair from the RAW brand, and Booker T, Rob Van Dam, Eddie Guerrero, Charlie Haas, Paul London, and Orlando Jordan from the SmackDown brand.

Also on RAW, Randy Orton hinted at a match with the Undertaker. Taker is the only active wrestler that Orton hasn't proven himself against. Last Wrestlemania, Orton beat Mick Foley, the hardcore legend, in a totally sick hardcore match (thumb tacks, tables, chairs, barb wire...). Here's the hook for this possible match, Taker has never lost a WrestleMania match in his 13 year history with the company. I have been a Taker fan ever since his debut, and I know a guy that went to high school with Randy Orton, so it'll definitely be a "mark out" (little kid in a candy store) moment for me. Plus, Orton is a natural in the ring, and combine that with Taker's veteran in-ring ability and knowledge, it should make for an excellent match.

WrestleMania is live on Sunday, April 3rd from the sold out Staples Center in Los Angeles, CA. Hopefully I'll get some scalped tickets, so if you or anyone you know has any extra tickets to the show contact me at wildbill384@yahoo.com

Academy Award Winners

Best Movie
Winner: Million Dollar Baby - Clint Eastwood, Albert S. Ruddy, Tom Rosenberg

Best Actor
Winner: Jamie Foxx - Ray

Best Actress
Winner: Hilary Swank - Million Dollar Baby

Best Supporting Actor
Winner: Morgan Freeman - Million Dollar Baby

Best Supporting Actress
Winner: Cate Blanchett - The Aviator

Best Achievement in Directing
Winner: Clint Eastwood - Million Dollar Baby

Best Original Screenplay
Winner: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Best Adapted Screenplay
Winner: Sideways

Best Achievement in Cinematography
Winner: The Aviator

Best Achievement in Editing
Winner: The Aviator

Best Achievement in Art Direction
Winner: The Aviator

Best Achievement in Costume Design
Winner: The Aviator

Best Original Score
Winner: Finding Neverland - Jan A.P. Kaczmarek

Best Original Song
Winner: Diarios de motocicleta - Jorge Drexler ("Al Otro Lado Del Río")

Best Achievement in Makeup
Winner: Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events

Best Achievement in Sound
Winner: Ray

Best Sound Editing
Winner: The Incredibles

Best Visual Effects
Winner: Spider-Man 2

Best Animated Feature Film
Winner: The Incredibles

Best Foreign Language Film
Winner: Mar adentro - (Spain)

Best Documentary, Features
Winner: Born Into Brothels: Calcutta's Red Light Kids

Best Documentary, Short Subjects
Winner: Mighty Times: The Children's March

Best Animated Short Film
Winner: Ryan

Best Live Action Short Film
Winner: Wasp